The Xenforo "Discourage" Feature

So the purported reason for reviving this thread is to take seebs to task. But that doesn't at all resemble the actual result. What's actually happened is the floodgates have opened and lots of people have grievances to air with Alix. This result is not just pedictable, it's demonstrably repeatable because this is a repeat.

Alix, maybe I'm wrong, but I'm looking at this and I don't think seebs was really the main target. I think you were. Your aim is excellent, I'll give you that.

(That's not to say I think you were lying about your intentions. I don't. No one I've ever met is privy to all their own motives, especially not in the heat of the moment while they're distressed. I tend to think results often speak to the things people didn't even know they were after.)

When people say forgive yourself, that's vitally important. It probably sounds like empty, sugary words. It isn't. There's nothing sugary about that process. It's fucking hard.

Can you forgive yourself for not being the person you were led to expect you could be? For not being able to be the person you wished to become? Can you look at yourself and see the person you are, rather than a failed version of someone you aren't?

This misery isn't justice. It can't even see justice from where it is.

 

... I think there's a thing people aren't getting in this discussion. Sure, it's not like I can time-travel back to before all of this went to shit, fix everything and be the person I always wanted to be.
But I don't need to. All I need is support, figuring out a way to get back to a decently challenging education, being able to fix my fucking brain so that I can actually handle that decently challenging education... Fuck, in theory I could even retake the high school exams so that I can get merit-based scholarships! All I need is support, decent therapy, meds... I never even planned to get into any fancy highly selective higher education things, so I might not even have any permanently closed doors.
And you know the problem? Every time I ask for actual, concrete advice on doing that, people tell me to stop dwelling on the past and just accept that I'll never have the life I wanted. That I should just be happy seeing people like Nicole (who someone summarized as "me but with all the DLC") he successful in life and just kinda give up, find a decently-paying job, adjust to a kinda okay life objectively speaking, wait for my brain to adjust to the new normal. And it's incredibly frustrating, especially when there are concrete, actionable ways to get my fucking life back.

 

the problem is that the support you're looking for is probably not going to be coming. people who you've hurt, even if you didn't mean to etc., don't have any obligation to talk to or be a support network for you any more. if they don't want to do that, then basically that's that.
what are these 'concrete, actionable ways' to 'get your life back'? be put back onto seebscord, where most of the people there will feel very uncomfortable interacting with you? have everyone magically forgive and forget no matter what awful stuff you said to them?

 

... I'm not talking about the seebscord. I'm asking if anyone has advice on therapy/meds/etc that isn't to move to fucking Canada.

 

Uh, actually, I only started constantly abusing my friends like that when my life started going to shit. Maybe it is something about power, and/or jealousy, in a "if I can't be happy then why should they?" way.

Anyway, I'm not asking for the moon here. My plan is "get into that biology program I always wanted to get into, and then don't fail". That's literally it. The only two problems are my behavior issues, which have been repeatedly addressed here, and my cognitive problems. Which no one even seems to believe are real.

 

Stop looking for things to be angry about.

I know it’s been said before, but stop engaging with FiD threads, stop digging through the parts of reddit that will piss you off, ask your friends on your discord server to keep drama cordoned off from you, just stop engaging with rage-inducing things entirely.

Rage is exhausting. Constant, overpowering, relentless amounts of angry is exhausting. The most brainpower you spend on things that make you angry, the less you have for dealing with school.

So stop looking for things to be angry about. It will help the cognitive processing issues. Really.

 

i'm not sure if this is what you're intending, so if im reading this wrong im sorry - when you say 'im not asking for the moon here' wrt this topic all i'm hearing is "people who were my friends once that i hurt need to come back to me, it wasn't that big a deal, i need that support network again", basically almost guilting people to come back?? again, if that's not what you're going for, feel free to correct me but that's what keeps coming across, at least to me

 

I'm not even talking about things directly related to Kintsugi or the seebscord - though if anyone has any sort of advice on making new friends, because clearly I'm near-pathologically unable to do that, that would be welcome as well.
Like... Maybe read the rest of the sentence?

 

i am reading the whole sentence.

when you follow

with
'anyway i'm not asking for the moon here'
it comes across as "i only started abusing my friends when my life went to shit, so im not asking for the moon here, ugh, just be my friends again"
which, again, if that's not what you're intending i'm sorry, it's just what's coming across
if anyone thinks i'm reading way too much into it or seeing things that aren't there please let me know

eta: it's also why i brought up seebscord up above, because the fixation with wanting to turn back time and wanting 'your life back' comes heavily across as wanting people to ignore everything you've done and everything to just go back the way it was before you hurt them. AGAIN, i'm sorry if this isn't what you're intending to come across! it could be a lost in translation thing, idk, but as far as i remember i've never had any issues parsing what you were trying to say, and this is just what everything is reading as in context

even if you change entirely and become a literal saint there are still going to be people that don't forgive you or want anything to do with you and it just be like that sometimes.

 

I guess I should probably have said "the rest of the paragraph".

 

Live in Canada, can confirm: whoever is giving you advice probably doesn't live here or was in one of those lucky cities that has the support framework and no mental health epidemics. Horrid plan though, would not recommend.

It's frustrating to hear you say that we're not helping when we're giving you endless advice. Want to know how to make and keep friends? Maybe quell the rage addiction first. Tends to make people more approachable. Cognitive issues? I've addressed ways that I - an individual who has executive and cognitive dysfunction - accomodate and help myself with that.

So as much as you're saying we're not listening, reverse it for all of us who have been trying to help you and try to imagine how much it feels like you're listening.

 

Actually, correction: thought the tips and tricks were in your thread, was wrong and had been posted elsewhere.

TL;DR on how to fight brainfog: Stimulate your brain, do some sudoku or doodle god or one of the plethora of word games, literally anything, for like fifteen minutes a day. Or, combine tactics and work on a basic twine game even if the text is just a keysmash.

Coincidentally, all of these also help combat rage.