Things that are currently annoying you

The group leader and second-in-command for the meeting I had today couldn't make it, so they left me in charge (bothering to tell me at all of 10:00 PM last night)

Of course no one bothers showing up today, so I've wasted my time and money (I have to take a Lyft) getting down there and back.

 

Depression?anxiety? Something. I need to job-hunt, I need to get back in touch with people so I have references, I need to call some relatives back, I need to talk to Sallie Mae about how I've been unemployed since April, I need to leave the house, I need to make art, I need to Be Happy

And I'm hiding in my room like I'm grounded and not allowed to leave, alternating between five websites in search of some skinnerbox fix. :(

 

I'm being whiny this morning because I had to wake up early this morning for fasting blood draw. That's item #1. Item #2 is that grandma pushed me into going pretty much right after I got dressed which meant I didn't have time for lipstick. (I got a whole bunch and it's the only makeup thing I genuinely like so I was planning to add it to my Going Outside armor.) Then it turns out this new lab always does piss tests with blood draw even if the lab is purely for bloodwork (like mine today) which nobody told me and I hate giving samples. I did that way too much as a kid, I don't want it to become a Thing. Blood draws are bad enough on their own. And now for the petties two annoyances: went and got coffee after. Was patient because it's the morning rush so time taken wasn't a factor but they threw my sammiches in when they were heating them and they both came out with dubious structural integrity. I lost a piece of bacon on the floor but at least the dog's happy :(

And then I finished eating and got disappointed like a little kid because it was gone. Fasting is :( but I've been having appetite issues again so I didn't eat much in general these past few days. And now that I've eaten I've remembered that I've been hungry lately and my body's all "FOOOD" and my brain's all "dude chill you just had two sammiches and a chunk of coffee cakes" and my body goes "FOOOOD" and my brain goes "nothing in the house looks like food anyway, shut up and have a can of cope."

And just. -chugs coffee and goes back to bed-

 

Church newsletter drama has apparently been happening behind my back. Another guy writes the text, I make it pretty and set it up for print and web and e-mail. Text Guy is now cc'ing me in e-mails to the minister, board president, and RE director complaining at great length about ...something? I am not on this boat? The boat left port and I was not on the boat?

All I know is I'm expected to have three versions of the damn newsletter up before the end of the month and he just got me the text this morning after he nailed his 99 theses to our inboxes.

 

Skunk outside my bedroom window, bluh!! Closing the window just traps the smell inside.

 

My new coworker keeps talking at me. He's not as chatty as the last one, and I think the silences bother him. I keep finding myself making the mouth shapes to make words and forgetting to add the breath, and he doesn't know that, can't know it, so it doesn't even look like I'm trying. I am trying, I'm trying so hard, and this is as far as I can get. I'm such a screwup, and that'd be fine if it only bothered me, but it doesn't just bother me.
I'm just really tired. I'm stuck with the teacher I hate and he's stuck wrangling three classes cause this school fucking sucks so he's suckier than usual, and everything just sucks.

 

Family (dad in particular) doesn't understand that INTENSE STARING at Minecraft with headphones on and loud enough to hear a foot away means FUCK OFF I'M CONCENTRATING. I'm ADHD, if I don't devote ALL of my attention to something I can't focus on anything, I cannot keep track of what I'm building and listen to you at the same time. When I glare at my monitor for ten minutes and don't acknowledge you, I'm not listening. That is not an invitation to keep talking. You are an unwelcome distraction and I am currently hating the fact my computer is by a main thoroughfare.

Of course, I'm too conflict avoidant to tell my family to fuck off despite intentionally setting every aspect of my body language into a flashing neon sign saying STOP TALKING TO ME YOU CLUELESS FUCKS I'M BUSY.

Also bit through my cheek trying to keep from yelling and throwing things after a solid hour of being everyone in the goddamn house's mute sounding board.

 

I've discovered I have a real problem with people giving me advice about chores. Like ... it doesn't matter how constructive the criticism is, if I'm loading the dishwasher and someone comes in and goes "oh you shouldn't do it like that, you should do it like this instead" the entire inside of my brain disappears and is replaced with a flashing neon sign reading "DO IT YOURSELF OR FUCK OFF". Bonus points if someone undoes something I've done because "you're doing it wrong". I just. Cannot. Deal with that. I can't be rational about this. I don't want to be rational about this.

...Sigh.

 

This jobsite I'm working on is garbage on top of garbage on top of garbage. It feels like whenever I manage to clear a space of debris, a few more tiny chunks of wood and half disintegrated drywall oozes out from underneath the dirt. The ground near the back of the house is dyed white with drywall dust, weird brown yellow fungus is growing at the roots of the neighbor house, and I keep finding the same damn bottle of tangerine nectar. Also, some of the workers would rather pee in bottles than chance the port a potty, so that's a fun roulette kind a deal.

 

fanfiction.net is half not-working. like, i can see the stories and whatnot but i can't do stuff with my account, like private messaging, story/chapter-posting and looking at my stats. it's the result of a 503 error and has been going on since yesterday. and my anxiety is like, "what if fanfiction.net fucking disappears?"
and you might wonder why i even care about ffn, when ao3 exists. the answer: a hella long awesome pm convo i'm having on there, and my small fandoms.
that's why!
grrrrrr...

 

Aww shit, now you got me worrying too. All the stuff I'm working on is only saved to FF.net, because I'd hate for anyone who uses this computer to read my fics, and if the site goes, then that's months of work down the drain, haha. Dang. Here's hopping that gets fixed sometime soonish. And maybe I'll save my junk in word or googledocs or something, once I can get at it...

 

@tinyhydra you too?
well, at least you're taking precautions. i'm at the cottage and i've only brought my ipad so i can't transfer the few of my stories that aren't on ao3 to there. yeah...

according to the comments on isitdownrightnow.com, which i just went to, it's the result of some power outage or maintenance thing in LA and should be back in about two hours, which sounds like good news.

 

I bought a box of assorted water crackers and they're not listed in order on the box, or labelled in any other way.

 

youtube app on my ipad is hecking up and refusing to play videos in any quality higher than 360p.

 

My knee is made of pain and painkillers don't work. :(

 

My apartment's website runs on a different timezone from where it is physically located.

 

One of my friends is finally trying her hand at writing fanfic, which is good. Unfortunately, it's purposefully-bad snark fic that bashes a lot of common fandom tropes focused on a character I hate being treated as a woobie. And she's trying to nudge me into reading it, mostly to make sure it's actually funny and worthy of being posted despite this being something I actively dislike.

I really don't want to keep telling her "No, I don't like this." but at the same time she's got other good ideas and no trust in herself in writing unless it's parody-schlock and it's like I DON'T WANT TO READ THIS BUT I WANT YOU TO KEEP WRITING ANYWAY, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PHRASE THIS.

 

Creepy english class guy is still creepy.
At least he understands the concept of, GIMME MY MOTHERFUCKING PERSONAL BUBBLE
(note: that is not how I put it.)

 

Finding a place that can actually let me have the hair color I want -- and not being able to afford it and no one else thinking its important.

 

Spoiler: I need to whine, nowhere else to put it

My disabled husband fucked up his knee somehow a few days ago and he's completely immobile ATM, and I'm providing constant on-hand care. This is less an annoying thing than it is simply exhausting and stressful and I don't know what I'm gonna do if I can't get it back to normal. He can't walk much less haul himself up into our van and I'm not even sure an ambulance would be able to get him out of our bedroom without having to take down a wall.

ugh. Please let rest, ice, compression, elevation and hydration get him to feeling better.