Anxiety about a particular thing currently is making all my other anxieties worse. I hate this feeling :(
Never quite sure how many times i can reblog my own commission post without seeming super fucking naggy i don't want to nag, i definitely don't want people to buy art from me if they can't afford it because i do that all the time and it's really frustrating. i play down my issues all the time because i really really need to continue to look like Everything's Okay, but that also means that I keep throwing up mental roadblocks when I try to ask for help, because it comes off, i think, as annoying self-effacing interspersed with manipulative pleas for help So every time I tell people i do art commissions it comes off as "yeah haha i do a little art, check it out if you want, i do it so i can eat lol" which frustrates me because i have no idea how to go "hey reblog this commission thing, because i don't have an audience that is all that different from me - which means that the few people who look at my art and think it's actually cool are like me - they want the art, but they want food more. this is understandable! so just help me reach a wider audience" but then i also feel like i'm guilt-tripping people into expending emotional energy on reblogging wweh wweh wweh
My mouth hurts! It's really obnoxious! I want to eat solid foods again! But on the other hand I don't have to go to work tomorrow, so there's that.
Less annoyed and more disgusted, but I didn't think my county's drug issues could get any more ridiculous but here we are Spoiler: news article, phone pic's probably big Like. Dude. Seriously? Seriously? I realize three kids in my grade got arrested for dealing while we were still in school, but like. Wow.
I'm annoyed because I need to come up with a meal plan and apparently I can, with any given recipe, only have two out of "easy", "adheres to dietary restrictions", and "tastes good". Because of reasons I need to prioritise easy and healthy, but I really hate cooking food I don't want to eat. Sigh.
(I will talk about it with you!) My current annoyance: Won't be able to continue group therapy b/c TA assignment.
Brain is apparently worried enough about this disagreement that it has to keep waking me up at stupid hours of the morning/night to do the anxiety dance :| real useful.
gotta get out of bed. milk in the fridge has probably gone off so idek if i can make tea to motivate myself
Unkind thought: a coworker who had been on an extended medical leave is coming back. I wish she wouldn't. She's not a bad person but she's also the one who told me she fears gay rights are a plot by the devil to extinguish humanity, and is ALSO super loud and innapropriate and completely unable to shut the fuck up. I really, really don't like the news that she's coming back. I'm actually surprised at myself for HOW strongly I dislike it...
onion pizza i left the goddamn mozzarella cheese alone cause i didnt want to get yelled at, and i was looking forward to being able to eat some. but of course it all gets used and the pizza has onions covering it and i can't fucking eat onions!!!!! thanks parents for making it obvious that you don't want to make food for me i guess.
Yay! :::DDD Spoiler: Stormlight overanalysis There's a lot of people who seem to think Kaladin was OOC or suddenly much angrier or reversing his character development from WoK in Words of Radiance, but I think they're kind of missing the point. What I see in WoR Kaladin is somebody who just got out of a trauma situation, but his brain hasn't quite gotten the memo, and suddenly a lot of his thought patterns and coping mechanisms are really maladaptive and he's having trouble adjusting. Yes, he's in a lot of ways less stable than he was during WoK- because he's not used to this new situation and is fighting trauma instincts every step of the way. All those internal arguments about whether or not he can trust Dalinar, the irrational anxiety that they'll find a way to take his Surgebinding away, that sort of thing. On top of that, add that Amaram is a PTSD trigger, followed by the whole imprisonment thing (I found out that Brandon actually confirmed that Kaladin has Seasonal Affective Disorder. Which is triggered by lack of sunlight. They locked him in a windowless stone room for weeks.), and it makes perfect sense that he gets too wrapped up in his own pain to realize that his biggest enemy right now is himself.
i accidentally napped for 3 hours even though i took my concerta and that usually makes daytime napping impossible >:T