things that are currently making you anxious

Severe thunderstorms with high chances of tornados tonight. Very scared.

 

Moving in 10 days!!! Aaaaaaaaaaagh

 

My sleep schedule is getting fucked up by my inability to get out of bed in the mornings, because the floor is cold. Also not helped by the fact that the whole room is cold, because basement, and I haven't been consistently taking my ADHD meds because I keep not getting up in the morning in time to take them (which is creating a self-reinforcing cycle).

Compounding this: I only have a week of ADHD meds left, two days of my allergy meds, and the family doctor we were going to try and get me in to see may or may not even have the license needed to prescribe ADHD meds or antidepressants, because she let part of her prescription license lapse. Because I guess she...doesn't like prescribing narcotics? So she arranged things so that she Can't. Which is annoying af, but not much I can do about it.

And I haven't been in Ontario long enough to qualify for OHIP, so I'm probably going to have to pay out of pocket to get anything. Which means we may need to hit up my grandfather for money, because fuck.

 

So today is my sister's birthday! Neat, party planning ahoy (with a spoonful of oh god people in my house). I actually like regular parties.

Except. It's my sister's 21st, and I think a lot of Americans know what that means. This is suddenly turning from regular to a bunch of adults looking to get sloshed.

I dont like being around drunk people in the first place and several people invited themselves tonight that my sister has feuds with. Ugh :(

 

The inexorable passage of time

 

I get this is a joke, but it spooked me real bad at first bc how the fuck does YouTube know what me and my mom watch:

 

That sounds like a spooky experience. For some reason it seems like Netflix recs those two shows extra hard? I dunno, I like Queer Eye just fine but reality anything isn’t something I watch very often even if I do like it.

The reason I’m not binging Conversations with a Killer is because I already saw the Bundy tapes and I didn’t like them the first time and definitely don’t want to see them again but in high def, so I finally had to thumbs down the damn thing before Netflix would stop recommending it to me.

 

i'm not able to lock my door from outside. i have an appointment tomorrow. 8) i can't skip therapy even if i wanted to bc shit got srs lately. we're in a safeish area, im p sure nothing'll happen bc it hasnt in ten years of her living here and forgetting to lock her door a lot in the past but like

man

u g h.

 

i wound up so stressed out between that and my painful leg that i wound up canceling. decided that since i was getting nausea and migraine over the entire ordeal to just... be nice to myself and cancel and not worry about it. and rest. and wait till the door is fixed instead. half of what i wanted to talk to her about was the fact that any stress lately makes me fling into ptsd nightmares and flashbacks and other assorted bullshit so like. Mmmmmm gonna skip that.

 

I’ve lost my medication and I don’t have a proper prescription for that one since I went to a different doctor and aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

I have a consultation for a breast reduction surgery in a couple days and I know weight will be something discussed and I'm very nervous. also hella nervous for whatever hoops I'll have to jump through for my insurance. advocating for myself is hard.

 

One of these days I’m going to realize that all of the really good fanart and fics on tumblr aren’t worth the metric fuckton of anxiety other stuff on it gives me.

 

Spoiler: Uk politics

brexit and everything around it. Read an article recently saying the economic effects of a no deal are comparable to the Great Depression, and any possibility of blunting that is getting slimmer and slimmer.

thisisfine.jpg

 

Hurricane Dorian is headed for the Bahamas and Florida, expected to be a Cat. 4 by the time it hits

 

I got called for jury duty for a federal offense and I'm scared shitless. I'm really hoping they find me unfit, I can't even watch true crime stuff on TV without a huge anxiety spike let alone help judge someone for one

 

I was watching a PBS doc about memory and communication, and it was talking about nonverbal expression and 6 key emotions you can tell by the faces people make and I was like "oh, yeah that makes sense! I just gotta pay attention to that harder and I'll be good!"

Next line in the show is "but there are about ten thousand micro expressions we use as well to signify emotions in communication" and I'm... A bit overwhelmed ngl

 

im supposed to have a meeting about school tomorrow and i still cant get a high enough score on the typing test to meet requirements. ive gotten most everything else done and this one thing is just dangling over me like "no future for you, shithead" and logically i know im catastrophizing but. what if i cant do this? im freakin about a typing test, am i really ready to join a fucking whole ass school? i havent done anything remotely school-like in like 9 years. im so fucked

 

Anybody else freaking the fuck out over the metal monoliths that keep being found? Because my brain is doing me no favors anxiety-wise. Fuck 2020

 

I've chosen to go with the assumption that some jackass is doing weird art. Is it Banksy? Who knows. Let's go ahead and blame Banksy anyways, because fuck Banksy.

 

Just realized that I have a year left before I can no longer be on my parent's health insurance. My graduation is also in a year. So I need to have a job with good health insurance coverage lined up to start RIGHT after graduation. Me, An Unemployable.

:D