things that are currently making you anxious

Have a Very Important exam on Tuesday, and am freaking the fuck out trying to study

 

I'm sure you'll do great! Though that doesn't stop the anxious feeling right now, I know.

 

More paranoia than anxiety but: people who can sleep with their back facing a door without some (imagined or real) secondary protection amaze and astound me

 

This is very most likely me being full of myself, but my friend group has yet another couple and it's just me and another guy left. Because they're all a bunch of shipping nerds I'm really afraid they will start playing pair the spares with us and I'm not interested in the least in dating anyone, let alone him. I like him as a friend but he's like 8 years younger than me and we have very little in common aside from both of us being autistic

 

I just sassed my sister while she was in a mood on accident and now I'm afraid she's going to ignore me for days on end cause she's always right and I can't handle the pressure. I'm at least 85% sure she won't but I hate being alone/having to tip toe around things. She gets so frustrated :(

 

being alive
seriously
I guess I'm 28 now and I keep thinking to myself 'damn im old and decrepit and i've experienced everything i need to and i haven't been successful at a rate that I should be for my age god I'm still in school and switched 2 programs' and - for me, it makes me feel like I've 'ruined' this shot at life and should start over except I can't, right you only get one shot but then it makes me feel wow it can only get worse from here because I've already ruined it and it can only get more ruined

and this anxious thought preoccupies me so much of my time and circulates and percolates

ahhh

 

Why is my immediate reaction when someone doesn't reply to me that they must be dead, and that i need to go over and find out what happened and make sure their pets are looked after and tell everyone they knew and so on and so forth...

it is far more likely their phone has lost charge but try telling the anxious part of my brain that

 

Agreetnessed

 

Aromatherapy helps me stay emotionally under control, but the pet species I want can't process the phenols found in plant oils and it can cause liver failure for them. I'm pretty sure they'd be okay as long as I kept it to my wash-off shower products and a little bit applied topically before bed in a room they don't go in, diffusers and scented candles are the big problem and I don't use those, but a lot of pet-care boards are all like "if you use any fragranced products within a three block radius your pet will die" and it's hard not to worry.

 

The Ukraine/Russia situation, what else?

Spoiler: tw suicide

I really, really badly want to get a method to commit suicide. Not for use NOW, but just to have in case nuclear war breaks out. I assumed it wouldn't happen but Putin is clearly deranged, mutually assured destruction isn't a deterrent if one side is determined to either get what he wants or burn it all down. He's never had any concern for the Russian people's well-being and he's not getting any younger. It could happen.

I don't know where to look or who to ask to get such a method, and it stresses me out knowing that there's no point in me asking because they'll just commit me or tell me to call the hotline and like. fuck you. fuck you! I'm not going to try to survive a post-nuclear-war world. It's just not happening! You can't fucking force me! I'm going to be constantly panicking every minute I DON'T have a way out in case it happens, so weirdly enough I really need it for my mental health. great

 

Learned about a piece of paper we have at the library that we are supposed to keep a tally of people using our services (other than item checkout) on. Said piece of paper goes into a file every night that is for the Texas government, which lets them know what grants to fund as well as a tally of the community using us so we can stay open. I have not been keeping a tally. My desk is the one people come to for most services/is in front of the main area where people use our things. Therefore for the last 3ish years I've worked here, I can safely say a good 60% at least of these things hasn't been kept track of. No wonder the fucking city thinks our library isn't being used by the public, it's because i haven't been giving anyone the goddam numbers! I feel like an absolute fuck-up

 

my doctor saying she had Ideas For My Treatment, But They'd Be Better Said In Public.

is this something to freak out over? no, probably not. my liver's gotten better because of her intervention, i wouldn't have known to take vitamin E for NASH at all without her.
but somehow this unknown is making me anxious as hell. the fact i'm getting my psych meds adjusted on the 6th beforehand bc my brain is a trashfire is not helping.

 

My best friend and his family are trying to flee from his stepdad and I haven't heard anything from him all day. Terrified that something went very wrong

 

Still paying off debts incurred during manic episode. Terrified of losing my job before I can pay off my debts, and being stuck in the neverending hole of trying to pay them back with interest without making enough money for food electricity etc. Worried my car will die again and have to rack up even more debt just to get to work. Worried I'll lose my job and health insurance and have to pay the thousands out of pocket per month for meds. Just staring into the hole and seeing no bottom

 

Trying to take a day off today to reset, and all I've been doing is checking the clock over and over to make sure I'm "relaxing properly". I'm not even enjoying anything I'm doing, like reading or catching up on anime or making snacks, I'm just watching the clock til bed time. This always happens on the rare days I just try to stop and be, I'm only thinking about how I won't have time to think in about five hours from now because I have to sleep to function at work and my next true day off will be weeks away

 

Random remembering a thing that felt like nothing at the time but now makes me anxious as hell o'clock!

Just recalled the time I let a feral raccoon crawl all over me because someone said it was their tamed pet and didn't mention it was acquired not 3 hours earlier from a random parking lot. No wonder my mom was horrified

 

I've got several final projects due next week and the week after. i've. only just now begun ONE of them. i've had plenty of time to do these, especially the one i already finished. but as usual i put it off to the last fucking minute almost. w h y am i fucking like this.

 

Me: *is staying my first night in the older house I moved into*
House: *settles and creaks, with minor drafts that'd be inconsequential if they didn't cause minor shaking in random doors*
My brain: InTrUdErS!!!