things that are currently making you anxious

Me: *engraving odd-shaped cutting boards as cookoff awards*

Brain: hey bruh these are 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place for each category, right?

Me: yeah

Brain: well you did two 3rd place or two 1st place on a couple of them

Me: ...no I didn't.

Brain: are you sure? because I'm not sure.

Me: yes, I'm sure, I wrote the place on the boxes, it's fine.

Brain: NO YOU HECKED UP BAD, DROP EVERYTHING AND GO LOOK RIGHT NOW

Me: UGH GOD FINE I'LL GO LOOK

Cutting boards: *are all correct*

Brain: lol shit u got all worked up over nothing u dunkass

 

> Get home yesterday
> AC is running but apartment is hot???
> Hold hand up to vent
> NOTHING is coming out
> well that's not good
> Shut down everything, open cover to check filter, it's a fairly new 90-day allergy filter so that's probably not the problem BUT
> Tug on filter with intent to pull out and inspect
> Filter doesn't budge
> Filter is FROZEN SOLID
> okay everything is shut off, it should thaw?
> Wait overnight with everything shut off
> It doesn't thaw, it's actually worse
> oh god oh god oh god this is bad, I need to call maintenance
> My garbage brain: "BUT FIRST I MUST CLEAN THE ENTIRE APARTMENT SO THE MAINTENANCE GUY WILL NOT JUDGE ME FOR LIVING IN FILTH" (reality: he probably sees much worse on a daily basis, that apartment a few doors down with the nicotine-brown stained blinds is probably not a treat to visit)
> clean entire apartment
> Proceed to dress for work, put cats in bedroom, and call office
> My garbage brain, again: "OH GOD THIS WHOLE THING IS SOMEHOW MY FAULT AND THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE ME PAY FOR IT OR MAYBE EVICT ME FOR BREAKING THE AC" (reality: I have lived in that place for 21 years and AFAIK the AC unit is the same one that was there when I moved in, if it really has gone completely tits-up this time they can't blame me for a 21+ year old unit breaking down, right? especially when I pay out of my own pocket for good filters instead of using the shit filters they give out free at the office?)

 

I have to go to work. I have to change into my work clothes first, and then I have to Uber there, which means there may be social interaction, and then I have to, like. Be there. I'm not bad at the job and I don't want to quit anymore, it's just...not great and I always get Xtreme Feelings of Doom pre-job. I just really hope brain or medical issues don't majorly get in the way today. At least I'm not feeling nearly as bad as I was yesterday. And that they let me take an unpaid thirty minute break as opposed to the paid ten minute break, because, really? Ten minutes? In seven hours of work? NO. That's the only time I get to sit down, damn it.

This helped.

 

Being alone for the rest of my life and failing everyone and at everything. It's just one of those days.

 

Oh my god I have to send my cintiq in for repairs what if it gets damaged on the way what if i forgot to copy something off of it and I lose a vital piece of art forever what if it takes all term and I don't get it back before I leave school and it gets stuck in the mail forever aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA

 

I have to go to the dentist in an hour :(

 

Tonight is our weekly gaming night at my friend's house. Group is comprised of me, my bf, one of my bff's, her fiance, and the boyfriend of one of our friends. We will all, aside from the friend's boyfriend (henceforth called Kevin) have to pretend everything is normal and fine, which will be one of the most difficult things I've ever done because...

Spoiler: Uuuugggghhhh

Kevin's gf has been unhappy with their relationship for a while. She's tried talking things out and making compromises, but to no avail. She's been planning on jumping ship.

The other day a package arrived for Kevin. It was busted open in transit. She checked it to make sure whatever was inside wasn't broken.

It was an engagement ring. She freaked out. This is entirely not what she wants, and she doesn't understand how he got the impression that it was. We think it's a Hail Mary on his part.

So she's been quietly packing her stuff up ready to move back in with her parents. On Saturday she'll tell Kevin it's over.

Kevin doesn't know she knows what was in the package. He doesn't know we know. He doesn't know she's breaking up with him in a few days.

We agreed to go ahead with the gaming night to give her some time to do more packing with him out of the house.

If he brings the ring up we will have to pretend like we had no idea. If he wants to make plans past Saturday we'll have to come up with excuses. We've been patient with him and played nice for our friend's sake, but most of us won't be keeping in contact with him when it's over. He has turned in to a very unlikeable person over the past year or so.

So. Fucking. Awkward. We will happily deal with it for her sake. But please, gods, don't let him bring up the ring. I am absolutely on edge about the whole situation.

 

Oh man, that's a difficult situation to be in. :( Hope everything goes well!

 

@Nertbugs D: Oh man. Good on you guys for helping to get him out of the house.

 

@budgie and @Emma , thank. Just this evening to get through. It can be done. It can. (If I repeat that enough times it becomes true).

 

I hope it went alright!

 

Still work. Seven hours today :/ I'm gonna ask for a 30 minute break. It's unpaid but it's the only way I'll get through it without Excessive Physical Suffering. I'm also considering asking my boss for 20 hours instead of 25 a week during the home stretch of this semester, which also makes me nervous. So. Yay.

(Lol in Colorado you only get two paid 15 minute breaks if you work eight hours in a row. Obviously they only ever schedule for seven at most. Like, I am personally not pissed about that bc i can't work eight hours in a row standing up anyway but it is still fishy to me)

 

@theambernerd It went fine in the end, thanks! She was thankful that we kept things normal and gave her some space. Tomorrow is the day of reckoning, but I'm confident that she can handle it.

 

im sad again today therefore i will be sad forever this is life now

 

spent an uncomfortable amount of money
having trouble breathing, trying not to cry

wasn't even for a fun thing, blehhhh.

 

There was an incident at work that should have been fairly minor, but is now a big to-do, and I just want to hide forever despite not having done anything wrong.

/intentionally vague

 

E v e r y t h i n g. Effexor is doing me a bad

 

need to put the allergy bag and sheets on my bed but also just want to go to sleep on my bare mattress cause I'm very tired but I can't go to sleep cause I need to the thing but I can't do the thing cause I need to sleep and oh jeez, here comes the burning anxiety feeling, oh no

 

everything is making me anxious

 

Very afraid that a non kintsugi friend will lose interest in an AU that we were making together. I'm am very excited and invested in it, please not again.