Discussion in 'Howdy there!' started by townghost, May 2, 2020.
figure it out.
gonna just slide right in here with a welcome back, i hope things are easier for everyone this time around, i know it got stressful for everyone and was all around a Bad Time. i hope you're doing a bit better lukas, but honestly i can't blame you if you're not! shit's been rough every which way lately.
i'm also going to provide a little tip: other people don't know when you have them on ignore until you tell them.
now, you don't HAVE to tell them, it's not required! BUT, in order to ask all those that you are currently ignoring to not interact with you, they all need to be aware that you are ignoring them, or are singling them out for no interaction. otherwise, they will assume everything is fine, and reply anyways if they want to.
also like no offense but if you have me on ignore and want me to stop replying to you, you might want to stop replying to me in turn.
i'll stop talking at you now that i know im on ignore, but yeah, previously i was unaware because you kept replying to me regardless
thank you & i should mention i have developed empathy issues since i was last here (years ago, not before the drama) because someone i trusted deeply treated me with no compassion so it’s hard for me to see & feel other people anymore. i appreciate that your words to me are kind but i can’t feel warm right now.
I'm saying this as gently as I possible clan, but your track record on this our site here is...not super great when it comes to reading what people actually mean in their posts?
The last time you were around, you would repeatedly interpret posts as aggressive that literally nobody else would read that way, or claim that people were 'triggered' when they made perfectly reasonable, even-toned replies, if you didn't like the replies you got.
That makes it incredibly hard to communicate with you, because, as you said, you don't really care about the words that are actually presented to you, instead going with the 'vibe' you get from the post, no matter how far that vibe is removed from actual reality. Which means that effectively? Unless someone is doing the most careful of eggshell dances? There's a 70-30 chance that you will completely misread a post for no reason that anyone else can discern.
And the thing is, if your behaviour is needlessy aggressive? People won't 'learn you'. They'll - best case - just ignore you. Because it's very hard to see the benefit of getting to know someone who's likely to explode at the slightest provocation, including ones that are not just unintentional, but genuinely don't exist. The amount of times you became angry because someone reminded you of things you said in the (very recent!) past is part of that, and also why people are so weary to have you off post-mod. It's also why people are so concerened about you history-editing.
Because again, you have a history in the very recent past of taking posts you made that contained upsetting material, and claim these posts never happened, and then get upset when people would provide posts showing that yes really, it did happened. That is the main issue here.
seconding owlet with the bit about aggression.
you need more evidence than just a feeling to lecture someone about how they hurt you. you can set boundaries based on your feelings, but accusations based on feelings are not on.
well i’ve been in a sadistic kind of dynamic for a long time so
this is a text based medium. a person’s words are the only way you have of determining their emotions, or what emotional subtext they’re trying to convey.
Furthermore, language is ambiguous -- what you perceive as a harmless jokey-joke might to someone else come cross as an aggressive and challenging statement, and the other way around. The way to clear up that ambiguity is by pointing the "vibe" out, and asking if it was intentional. Really, the only other way you can know the emotion behind someone's words is if they include an "I feel" statement -- everything else is interpretation.
And not all interpretation is projection, but if you're looking for aggression, you will find it 100% of the time. That's kinda just how emotions work, we're good on our end knowing what ours are but not very good when it comes to the feelings on the other end because we're perceiving them through the veil of how we are already feeling about a thing.
just sliding in here with a quick q
can you elaborate on what you mean by that? I'm not sure how this relates to what is being discussed wrt your previously demonstrated tendency to reframe, or straight up misstate sequences of events, or go full on 'well that should not be relevant and shouldn't influence your opinion of me because I'm a different person than I was -looks at watch- two hours ago'
and also just a quick pointer before it escalates like it did last time: quick little warning that while 'sadistic' has innocuous common parlance usage, this is once again ambiguously sexually charged language and I know it was a big contention point last time you were here so yknow quick mention of it, so we can all be aware and try our utmost to pull away from potential sources of escalation
i honestly just think this is all overthinking it and has gotten off the rails
The rails we're on is the part where you asked to be taken off post-mod in exchange of not mentioning the stuff that happened last time you were here, so really, we're right on track and have ben the entire time.
ok well i’ll just leave you to that because this thread has gone into a place with sexualizing my words that i’m not comfortable with
If you read my message above -- this is what I mean by interpretation being ambiguous. Someone saying "hey, someone might read some sexual subtext into what you just said" is not the same as saying "what's up with the sexual subtext in what you just said?" They were literally asking you to clarify what you meant by sadistic, because words are ambiguous, and not everyone reads every word the same way.
If you think their interpretation of what you said is beneath consideration because it's just so wrong -- please say that. But creating a counter-interpretation based on someone making a false-interpretation that ascribes motivation to the person doing the interpreting is some bad-faith dialogue.
i just have had this conversation before and people fought me on it to the point where i was forced to apologize for sexually harassing someone for.... someone sexualizing my words. so this is where i check out
i might also be somewhat unaware of where my emotions rank in relation to others so i may be forgetting to describe some kind of particular trigger that’s happening. plus now in this thread you can see where when i pointed out a trigger and amnesia it was ignored and invalidated. people magically forgot that i have amnesia and invented this term called history editing to frame it. so just like. have fun. just have fun
For the sake of clarity, I would like to point out that this is the first time you have said that you were triggered, and the first time you brought up amnesia. Giving us that information directly like you just did here helps clear up a lot about how you were reacting, thank you. Before, I would not have taken either of those things away from the posts you made.
Additionally, memory struggles are not intrinsically a problem. The trouble is more when you forget something, a person reminds you of the history, and you react with anger. Whether or not it's your intention, that comes across as 'you aren't allowed to remember that this thing happened', which is why people are referring to it as 'history editing'. That term is being used because other people get the impression that you're trying to police whether or not they're allowed to remember that things happened.
I think, nobody was assuming you were meaning sadism sexually, but they just wanted clarification that you didn't. Because the vibe they might have gotten off of you was wrong, and it's respectful of you to ask for clarification. It's really frustrating when people assume they know what you Really Meant (tm) and insist on that even as you're trying to clarify, right? Like, exhausting and disrespectful.
I also would agree with Spock. Amnesia is fine. Emotion-triggered amnesia is fine. Frustrating to deal with, certainly, but more so for you than for anyone else, I'd imagine. We just need to know, clearly, that that's what is going on. Conversely, it would be really helpful if you didn't interpret receipts from times you don't remember as personal attacks, but as people trying to validate objective reality, especially when they have triggers around being invalidated and gaslit.
If you have amnesia, it's really not history editing, but it can look the same from the outside. Since nobody experiences things exactly as you do, we're not going to know and adjust appropriately unless this is clearly talked about.
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