"TP&MA" Verse and "Is This Weird?" Verse Homestuck RP Mashup Extravaganza (NSFW)

Dirk feels his ears go hot, and he is about to voice an objection to Karkat's 'encouragement' before he decides, no, fuck it. It's not a bad thing. Affection is a good, normal thing to want to receive and give, he's been working on it, he can do this. He can give the best fucking brohug that has ever been had.
Telegraphing his movements, because he can hardly win a brolympic medal in hugging if he scares the shit out of the dude he's working with, Dirk leans over and puts an arm around Dave. Just the one, leaving plenty of space so Dave can bolt if he needs too.

 

***
Karkat yells at them and Dave scowls. Dirk probably doesn't want to hug anyone, much less him. Now the rejection is going to be super awkward and kind of painful and-

The first second of someone touching him is always bad and Dave tenses, but he's immediately relieved and happy that Karkat's annoying outburst actually resulted in something positive for a change. He turns, wraps his arms around Dirk, and laughs into his shoulder. "Sorry about him. And thank you."

Dave backs off after a few seconds, unsure of proper hug duration and awkward that they have an audience for their awkward fumbling. Was that okay? Is hugging just Dirk unfair? Hal said before that he's down for hugs pretty much all the time so Dave goes for it. He hugs Hal around his waist, letting go quickly but with more confidence. "I'm glad you guys came."

 

Disk's heart felt like it grew three sizes in that moment, which probably wasn't healthy from a cardiologists point of view. He almost tried to keep the hug going, but managed to stop himself from grasping at Dave's shirt like a little kid asking for a cookie.

Hal's eyebrows had raised sharply when Dirk initiated The Hug, and he was smiling broadly when Dave came in to give him one too. He wasn't expecting it, and his circuits flashed bright as the arm went around his waist.
"I am a little nervous." he said after Dave released him, a little flustered but very pleased. "It's better now we're inside."
This was actually his first time going more than a mile away from their house. And the first time he had gotten out of the car. Hal was grateful that Karkat had turned up, it had given him an additional and much needed distraction from the realities of how big and open the world outside the place he shared with Dirk was.

 

***
"Oh yeah, you're not used to the wide open world outside the apartment yet. Dirk's apartment." Dave doesn't live there, even if it's somewhat alarmingly similar to his old place. "I can't imagine it's any more interesting than surfing the actual waves of the internet, but going outside is nice sometimes. I like the wind."

~~~
Karkat snorts and John rushes up to squish Dave's face while going "AWW" in an intentionally obnoxious manner. Dave sputters, "That's NOT what I, gerroff me!" and ducks out of John's grip to flash-step out into the hallway where he reappears, looking ruffled.

John laughs and gestures for the rest of the Striders to follow out into the hall. "Let's hang out downstairs until dinner's ready. After we can chill in the basement and play games if you guys have time to stick around for a bit."

John does the rest of the host stuff, like a good host. "Down there is my dad's room and the guest room, and here's that bathroom again. Just say if you need anything." Then he flits off down the stairs ahead of everyone to check on dinner's progress and see if his dad needs help with anything. He didn't before but you never know.

 

Dirk dipped automatically into a defensive stance when Dave flashed away, then forces himself out of it when Hal touches his elbow. His bro is fast. Really fast. Faster than him, that's for sure.
Dirk finds himself...a little intimidated by that. Being a dude who is very much accustomed to knowing he's the strongest, deadliest guy in the room unless there are drones involved, he actually reaches out and touches Hal's hand for a moment to ground himself as a reminder that he wasn't about to be attacked.
"Sure thing, bronado," he says, and Hal applies the slightest bit of pressure with his fingertips, calming him more. "You guys are. I almost can't say it. Cute."
Hal snorts, and retracts his hand.
"Says the dude with a collection of neon pony stickers on his laptop."

 

***
Dave freezes indecisively when he sees Dirk take a fighting stance. He wants to pull out a sword. He wants to do anything but pull out a sword. He wants to grovel, to apologize and appease until he's forgiven for whatever he did wrong. He wants to ask Dirk if he's okay.

Dave's eyes get huge and round in panic, but before any other panic responses can happen Dirk relaxes. He's not sure of what did it at first, but then he sees Hal doing little, calming touches and Dirk reaching out for more. It's impressive. Dave sees Karkat giving Hal and Dirk a Look and grinning to himself. He's as bad as Nepeta about friendshipping, jegus.

That Dirk needed so much calming down all of a sudden is immensely confusing to Dave, until he realizes that he must have startled Dirk by flash stepping. It's... weird. He'd never even considered the idea that he could startle, frighten, or otherwise alarm any version of Dirk. In fact, he's so incredulous that he nearly dismisses the thought out of hand, but it does drive him to actually do one of the things on his panicky brain's insta-list.

"It's true, nothing but shoujo sparkles all up in this bitch, we are fucking adorable, except Karkat, who prefers to be called adorabloodthirsty." Said Karkat flips him off when he sidles past the Strider blockade to follow John. Before the whole group can move Dave tries to do the thing.

"Um, yo Dirk..." Dave almost reaches out and touches him, but if the dude is feeling on edge already maybe it's a bad idea to initiate physical contact. "Did I do something just now? You... are okay?"

Wow, asking if Dirk is okay is shockingly awkward, especially when all Dave's body language wants to say is 'please don't hurt me.' Dave's stupid panic brain is going a mile a minute. Asking if someone is okay implies they showed weakness, don't call Bro-looking dudes weak, bad plan, abort abort.

 

Dirk immediately feels like shit, because of course his twitchy bullshit freaked Dave out. He barely processes Dave's rambling about sparkles. The question stops the self-loathing train before it can start to gain steam though, and he blinks behind his shades.
"I'm -" Red text scrolls over the lenses before he can finish the sentence with 'fine.'

-- TechnicalOdyssey started pestering TimaeusTestified --

TO: Be honest.

-- TechnicalOdyssey stopped pestering TimaeusTestified --

Hal sees the way Dirk's fingers flex, the nervous gesture a familiar one. Since John has left the area, he feels no need to restrain his instincts, and takes Dirk's twitchy hand. Rubbing the second knuckle of the index finger is the most effective method of soothing that he can currently execute, as a back massage and feels jam session isn't really an option at that moment in time.

Dirk relaxes when Hal's thumb rubs circles over his knuckle, and he doesn't even voice an objection to the gesture. He takes a breath, squares his shoulders.
"You're fast. It's no big deal, it's just been a while since I've seen that kind of speed from someone who isn't me and also not trying to wreck my shit."
He feels drained just saying that, emotional honesty is more grueling than any physical fight.

 

***
"Oh! Sorry for startling you. I didn't think that was even a thing I could do. You... think I'm fast?" Dave can't help a flattered smile that almost immediately turns self depreciating. "Nowhere near as fast as you though I'm sure. But yeah, I get that. Even lame, total non-threats can do the jumpscare thing sometimes."

Still though. That was like... almost a complement. About a combat skill. It's totally inappropriate considering he accidentally freaked Dirk out but damn. Feels good man.

 

Dirk huffs a laugh, and shakes his head.
"Nah, bro. I'm pretty sure you're faster than me. Hal?"
Hal gives him a Look, asking if that's a question he actually wants answered, but it's not for him, it's for Dave, who seems to be actually helped out by this situation. So he squeezes Hal's fingers by way of response.
"Yes, you are considerably faster than Dirk. If you were to engage in a side-by-side sprint, according to my calculations you would maintain a three point six two second lead against him."
The confirmation weirdly has Dirk's throat closing a little, memories of not being fast enough, of metal claws closing around his leg, of being bailed out by Sawtooth-
Hal squeezes his hand, and another message appears on his shades, asking if he's alright. He doesn't respond. Why the fuck is this freaking him out so much. It's Dave, it's not like he's about to try and cut his throat. He wonders if this is how Dave feels around him all the time. Outwardly, there's no real sign of his distress. He's a master at keeping personal shit locked up tighter than Fort Knox.

 

***
"O-oh. That doesn't. I mean." He fidgets distractedly. Dave doesn't know how to feel about that. A complement is one thing, being better than Dirk at something is an entirely different animal. How Dave feels about it depends on how Dirk feels about it, and judging from the look on Hal's face and his continued efforts to sooth and calm Dirk down, it's not good.

On the one hand, being faster means that he could actually escape, not that he'd need to, but the security is nice. On the other, much worse hand, being perceived as a potential threat by straight up the most dangerous person he knows feels incredibly unsafe.

"I'm not, er, even if I am that's..." Dave wraps his arms around himself, both to calm his stomach and because looking small and harmless feels safer. "You're much stronger than me, and more skilled; more everything really. I couldn't be a danger to you if I tried. And physical capabilities aside, lets be real, you could literally do anything to me and I wouldn't even use my apparent super speed try to get away." His face feels hot, this is the conversational equivalent of rolling on his back and showing his belly, but he doesn't know how else to convey I'm not a threat, you don't need to hurt me.

 

Hal steps up next to Dirk and makes an executive decision. It is clear Dave thinks Dirk is upset at him, and that in an unacceptable way to start the evening.
"Hey, bromine," he says, voice pitched low and soothing, in a tone he has previously reserved for times when the two of them are alone in the intimacy of darkness. Dirk immediately startles, attempting to back up, but Hal steps in closer and exerts a little of his strength to pull Dirk in for a hug. He'll likely pay for this later, but demonstrating to their bro that Dirk actually does react to things like a person sometimes seems worth it, and will hopefully contribute to building a stronger relationship between them all over the long term. "We're safe. You don't need to go all Batman on us, there's no drones, no batterbitch, just a few guys hanging out together and having a good time."

Dirk's face flames with embarrassment and a little shame. The muscles in his arms strain as he tries to pull free of Hal's grip, but he can't, and if it weren't for the gentle, soothing tone the android was using he would flip his shit. But the lilt in Hal's voice, and the expression on his face as he reassures Dirk that nothing is going to bust through the wall, that Dave's demonstration of speed doesn't mean something is about to Go Down, has him slowly relaxing.
His teeth clench even as he leans into Hal's touch. He hates this. He hates looking weak, finding a weakness in him that had previously gone unnoticed. He hates Hal more than a little in that moment for exposing it. And most of all, he hates that he can be soothed like a startled horse. Shit's undignified.
"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Back up, I'm chill," Dirk mutters, biting off the urge to call him AR by way of retribution for this very public and very unwelcome display. As much as it's needed. Louder, he clears his throat and makes another effort to smile at Dave that's marginally more successful than the last. "It's cool bro. I'm not...I'm not upset with you, or anything like that. Sometimes a dude just learns new things about himself and needs a moment to process it." That's probably not the clearest explanation. "It set me on edge. But I don't need to kick any robot asses-" Although he might when they get home. "-so it's all good. Made me hungry though. What's Jimbro cooking up for us?"
Hal releases him, and lips brush against his cheek for the briefest moment before the android steps back. Dirk takes a deep breath, closing his eyes behind the shades for a second and trying to unravel the tight ball of anger towards Hal that had formed in his gut. He was mostly successful.

 

***
When Dirk startles and backs away from Hal Dave does too. Watching one Strider struggle and fail to get away from another, larger one has Dave on the edge of hysterics. It's okay though, Hal is good, Hal is helping, Hal isn't going to hurt anyone. Dave doesn't need to jump in and defend Dirk like the small fire in the pit of his stomach is telling him to. This is definitely a new kind of panic attack in the making though, the words stop, he doesn't like it, stop it running through his head on repeat so loudly that they almost make it out of his mouth before Dirk tells Hal to back up and Hal... listens.

Dirk kind-of-smiles at him and the break in tension makes Dave shudder. He might also hiccup quietly one or two times, there's a lot of fucking gross bad no feelings all draining away at once. Clearing out all of that nonsense gives Dave the space to realize that while he was projecting harder than a 10 show cinema, Dirk is basically telling him that he just figured out he has some flavor of PTSD.

"Y-yeah." Christ, does his voice have to sound like that? All small and watery? "The Nam flashbacks are a bitch. Food should help. Can I- Can I have a minute though?" Calming down, Dave starts noticing things again, like how he probably just bruised his own hip by digging his fingers in. There are breathing things he's supposed to do when his chest feels like this. He thinks about getting John or Karkat up here. He thinks about trying to explain all of what just happened. It makes him want to die of exhaustion, but he also doesn't want to be by himself.

"We could... chill in John's room. Just for a minute. You don't have to, you can go downstairs. But. I'm gonna. If that's okay."

 

"Sure thing bro," Dirk says, and he thinks about taking off the shades. He could put them back on when Dave is a little calmer. But Dave seemed pretty insistent on Dirk remaining comfortable, so he belays that action for the time being. He folds down onto the floor, leans his back against the bed, and a hand hangs off his knee. Hal follows suit, although he draws his knees up to his chest and rests both hands palm down on the floor.
Dirk's ears are still burning, and he's not back up to one hundred percent functionality, but things could be worse. They could have gone so much worse.

-- TimaeusTestified started pestering TechnicalOdyssey --

TT: Was that really fucking necessary.
TO: Are you implying that my actions did not, in fact, calm you down? While Dave is showing some signs of distress, I am 98.67% sure that he is far more stable than he would have been had I done nothing, and you continued to be clearly Not Okay.
TT: That's not the problem, Hal. What if Egbert had come back upstairs?
TO: What if he had? I was hugging you, not sucking your dick. Your paranoia is ridiculous and frankly, my dude, it hurts my feelings.
TT: That's fair. Maybe I'm a bit on edge at the moment.
TO: That seems a fair assessment. I agree with Dave's assertion that food will help. I am monitoring his breathing and will contact John or Karkat if the need should arise, but at present he's calming down at a decent pace.
TT: Thanks.
TT: That fucking sucked.
TO: I can tell. Here's the part where I would suggest you look into therapy, if I didn't already know that you would shoot the suggestion down.
TT: And there's the part where you passive-aggressively bring it up anyway even though you know full well I'm not going to do that.
TO: I live in eternal hope, Dirk.
TT: Can you at least try to tone down on the PDA for the rest of the night?
TO: I can, although I question why it's needed. This seems like an ideal social situation to reveal the nature of our relationship to John. Assuming he hasn't already figured it out and is just messing with us.
TT: Hal. Not now.

-- TimaeusTestified stopped pestering TechnicalOdyssey --

Dirk slides his hand across the carpet and brushes his pinkie finger against Hal's after closing the chat client. He doesn't want to be an asshole.

 

***
Dave jitters nervously around the room for a minute, pulling out his phone and messaging John, then Karkat when John's phone buzzes on the bedside table.

-- turntechGodhead started pestering ectoBiologist --

TG: john
TG: oh goddamn it

-- turntechGodhead stopped pestering ectoBiologist --

-- turntechGodhead started pestering carcinoGenesis --

TG: karkat
CG: WHAT?
CG: DID YOU GET LOST?
TG: nah
TG: just decided to spend a bit of bro time upstairs
TG: our fine strider asses will be down in a bit
TG: but if dadbert calls us for dinner before we make it down can you text me
TG: wouldnt miss that shit for anything
CG: SURE, FINE. HAVE FUN WITH YOUR WEIRD SIBLING BONDING TIME OR WHATEVER.
TG: thanks man

-- -- turntechGodhead stopped pestering carcinoGenesis --

By the time that was done with a lot of the excess energy making him feel like he was about to do an acrobatic pirouette off the handle had bled off. He still feels panicky and it's gross, being all scared and upset for no reason. Part of it was starting to transform into annoyance though, so he rounds on Hal after putting his phone away.

"Don't DO that around me dude. Not the hugging but the- the holding onto him when he's. When he doesn't want. Nggh. Fuck." Dave rubs his face under his glasses. "And it's not even just my dumb brain shit. Just, don't you dare- argh, how do I have the 'you'd better not hurt my brother' talk with either of you guys, huh?" His voice turns lighter, more sarcastic. "Nobody ever thinks about how their weird fucking life choices affect me. It's hard and nobody understands."

While he's doing the petulant brother thing, Dave decides to break up their almost cuddling by dropping onto the ground with them and scooting up to sit in between them. This was always a hit with Rose and Kanaya from his meteor memories. The dirty looks and occasional screeching were choice.

Dave snuggles in and grumbles, "If you ever try to calm me down like that I don't think there will be a planet in this or the next galaxy you could hide on."

 

Hal and Dirk low-key watch Dave pace about, and Dirk's finger is more firmly rested on Hal's hand now. Hal's fingers curl back from his when Dave turns around and starts talking, his circuits flashing.
"Dave, I-" Hal cuts off, tilts his head, and Dirk can almost see the cogs in his brain turning. Metaphorically of course. Hal's body is way too advanced for that steampunk shit. "It seems you are upset, and I-" He doesn't get any further than that before Dave is pushing between them both to sit, and then he falls silent for a moment.
Despite himself, Dirk snickers.
"Yeah, Hal. Go easy on my tender human flesh."
"But you-" Hal cuts himself off again. Dirk leans forward to look around Dave, and Hal's face is scrunched in one of the most confused expressions Dirk has ever seen on him. It's almost cute. "Dave, I would never attempt to calm you down like that. It is a strategy tailored to Dirk."
Dirk takes pity on him, and waves a hand to dismiss the tension in the air.
"It's alright bro. We have a system."

 

***
"Fine, whatever. The first thing is still a thing though. Just because I'm getting used to PDA from you guys doesn't mean that watching one of you genuinely struggle to get away from the other is something I can handle. Have whatever system you want, just tag your fucking dubcon hugs so that I can olli the fuck out, okay?"

Dave hates how emotional honesty always lights up his face like a stoplight. He leans against Hal to show that there's no hard feelings and talks to Dirk. "You know, even if you couldn't wreck me in every conceivable way in a fight, and even if I were capable of saying 'no' to you, much less agressing you, I would use whatever mad skills I may or may not possess to protect you. Everything from the game is really mixed up in my head, but I'm pretty sure I did that already. Christ, I even... I even protected Bro before that fucking demon dog guy... yeah. If shit ever goes down, which like, I don't think it will, but if it does, you have my sword dude. Truly shitty though it may be."

 

"That's reasonable. I'm sorry and more than a little embarrassed that I didn't think of potential effects it might have on you." His face feels hot, a quick diagnostics check confirms that he's running a ten point three degrees higher than normal. He folds back the sleeves on his turtleneck to allow more of his synthetic skin access to the air, as unlike his suit, these clothes aren't designed to facilitate ventilation. Overheating could cause stresses for his internal hemodialysis system, which would in turn impair his ability to operate at full capacity. He leans away from Dave, not because he doesn't want the contact, but because he is afraid of burning him even with the momentary contact.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you did too." Things are a little hazy for Dirk in that regard as well. A lot of splinters suddenly coming back to merge with him produced some fractured perspectives. Hal probably has a better memory of what went down than he does. Dirk tries not to think about how Hal could have been lost in the merger too if Dirk had believed in his personhood a little less. At least, that's the only thing he can think of that would have prevented it. "I'm sorry I cannot continue the refrance and pledge my bow in allegiance. I'll substitute for a fancy santa." Dirk frowns, the room seems to have gotten a little hotter.

 

***
"It's okay, it's not like I've told you jack or shit about what will set me off. I was probably harsher than I needed to be." Hal leans and Dave unconsciously goes with him, following the heat source. He realizes that Hal might want space though and eases up. "Hey man, shove me off if I'm bugging you. I'm just Always Cold and would wear you like a hipster scarf if you let me."

It's Dirk's turn to be used for his warmth anyway. He shifts and settles himself against Dirk, still quietly focusing on breathing right. Physical closeness with other people he trusts helps him calm down faster he's found, as long as they don't make him do it. This is the first time he's tried it with Dirk or Hal, but it seems to be working. "Did anyone even use axkind? That would be badass."

 

"Oh, no it's not that. I. Hm." Hal gets up, "Excuse me for a moment, I need to use the bathroom." As he walks toward the door, he's rolling his sleeves up as far as they can go, and the second he's in the privacy of the bathroom he pulls the turtleneck up and over his head entirely, setting in on the towel rack. He focuses on drawing in deep, long breaths, trying to aid his cooling system. The reaction to his mistake is an interesting one, and when he looks in the mirror he observes that his circuitry is bright and so are his cheeks. The feeling is unwelcome, and he sits on the cool tiles to ground himself as he reasons that Dave is no longer upset with him, and therefore the continued stressing of his systems is pointless.

Dirk watches him go with a quirked eyebrow, but as Hal passes and he gets slapped with the wave of heat, he understands. So he leans against Dave too, and it's incredibly relaxing. Hal breathes, but he doesn't have a heartbeat, and Dirk can feel Dave's through the contact between their bodies. It's nice.
"No, unfortunately. It would have been so fucking cool. Maybe it's not too late to acquire a new specibus, although an axe is less precise."

 

***
"Is Hal okay? Right before he left he seemed really warm. If he needs, like, cold packs or something I'm sure Dadber- Mr. Egbert has something. Um, there is also ice cream to eat." Dave's chest already feels much less tight, and it never got to 'oh god I'm dying of a heart attack' levels, so he counts this as a success. ...wait. Dave breaks down giggling breathlessly, slumping further against Dirk.

"Did all three of us just have panic attacks one after the other? We are A Mess of the highest order. I once heard Karkat use the words 'Strider Manpain' and god, I didn't know how true it was at the time."