Ustuck: Get Recruited by Troll Mafia [Closed RP]

You hear the chime of your phone as you walk in, but hey, may as well get her reaction first hand. You get to the meeting room and-

Okay, something is wrong.

"Um."

You check the message. You're vaguely aware of the wall of fur that is your mom pushing its way around in front of you. She growls.

"Well fuck you too!"

 

You hum to yourself as you think about the predicament of Iglora's lusus. "Hmm, you're right. I don't want him taking my neighbors... Do you think you could convince him not to..." You trail off as Iglora starts growling and then you're blinking in surprise when Astroh walks in and starts yelling.

"Whoa, hey! What's going on?" Why do there have to be so many fights around you tonight? The night's barely started and you're already drained.

 

You scramble, trying to climb over or around or under your mom who deftly keeps you behind her. "Shitstickmotherfuckerbitch have no idea shit lowbloods fucking go through look your creepowhore lusus eating real fucking people -MOM LET PAST!!!"

 

You turn sharply to the door at Astroh's entrance, still growling. "Fuck me?" you say, unable to really see the troll in question behind her lusus. "Fuck you, those intruders were no higher than olive, and most of them were brown and yellowbloods - like you. This is a barbarian lowblood plot, taking my Papa away from me. And maybe the ones my Papa takes deserve it, yes? Weeding out the herd."

 

You hide your face with a hand as the newest new troll and the other one go at it. For once, your embarrassment is not self-directed. This whole highblood/lowblood thing is exactly why you go hemoanonymous.

Okay that's a lie, it's more due to your own incredibly fucked up issues, but not having to get dragged into this shit is a happy side effect.

 

Okay, they're not going to stop long enough to tell you how this started.

"Hey, not all lowbloods are the same, and not all highbloods are the same. It's not Astroh's fault anymore than it is mine that they tried to take your lusus. And psychic resistance is no way to measure deservedness.

And, just. Can we all just calm down? I know this whole thing is a touchy subject but we're never going to fix this if we can't work together..." You sigh and give up. They're probably not even listening to you. You don't know how you're going to lead a team that keeps tearing itself apart from the inside. You just wish everyone would calm down.

 

The wind goes right out of your sails somehow, and you slump against Colliemom. It must be how defeated Kezria looks that does it.

And like. For fuck's sake, Iglora is one of the good ones. You know this. And- apparently they tried to take her lusus? You'd be enraged, too, out of sheer terror. Just the suggestion of your mom maybe ending up in danger got you this riled up.

"Didn't mean what said, Iglora. Didn't mean mine, either.

...Sorry."

 

There's the start of what you can tell will be a pounding headache right between your horns. You sigh, rubbing at the spot. Must be all of this stress. Really, though, you will not feel comfortable again until the trolls responsible for this have been destroyed and everything they own razed to the ground. Yelling at your allies is not productive.

"I am sorry, too, Astroh. You did not know, I think. I have been overreacting. You are not the enemy here."

 

You finally notice the other two trolls in the room. Strangers. Who just watched all that. Welp.

"Um. Hi. What you two about?"

 

Damn. You take back any thought you've had about Kezria's peacekeeping skills. Even you kind of want to apologize and you didn't even do anything this time.

It takes you a second to decipher the new troll's question. You think you've got the general gist by the time you respond. "Lukasz," you say. "My lusus got taken. The Kingpin thought I could help." Sort of. After much persuasion. You're kind of committed to playing fast and loose with the truth at this point.

 

Another goldblood! You somehow manage to stifle your glee just in time for her to addresses you, and you try to figure out how to make the best impression.
You look towards Lukasz for some guidance, and are relieved when you're presented with a nice handy template to follow.

"Hi! I'm Keeler Altair, and it's a pleasure to meet you! Kingpin sent me because of my training and psionics."

You really want to talk to her about psionics and Ascension, but you don't know how to broach it or if it's rude to bring it up right away.

 

Sent because of her psionics? Shit, that's rough, being known as one of the psionic ones. The more people already know, the harder it is to hide it. Especially if someone makes you go out using them where even more people can see. But, she's with the Kingpin. Hopefully he can get her hooked up with dampeners or a place to run to when the time comes. And if not... well, you could help her out. You've always been grateful to the darknet trolls who guided you to secrecy with your own power when you were young, even though you were just some rando. You believe in paying it forward to your fellow lowbloods, and especially your fellow psionics. Hell, if you're clever enough, you might even be able to use this mission to get leverage to stop her having to use hers on field missions. You'll have to keep your visual sponges peeled.

But! No sense getting ahead of yourself here. You've had quite enough of that for one night. Better get some information first.

"Psionics, huh? Kingpin got you ready for when time comes?"

 

"Nah, I've been preparing on my own. I've got a good set of exercises and I make my own honey. I've been working on some new batches, actually, and I actually have some here with me if you're interested? I'd love to see how it helps other trolls, I really only get to see the effects on myself, and small sample sizes aren't the best."

Oh man, you can just see it now! You and your new friend...what did Kezria call her? Astral?, helping each other out. Maybe she knows some strengthening exercises you haven't tried yet? Ooh, maybe she can help fix those last few bugs with your honey! This must be what making friends feels like!

 

"...Honey."

That is the opposite of a dampener.

 

"Yeah! I keep my own bees and everything! Kingpin takes most of it, but there's more than enough, I promise. Here, let me get it out. I've been having problems with some blacking out and stuff, but in small enough doses that shouldn't really be an issue..."

You're rambling. You know you're rambling as you sink a frigate to retrieve a jar, and yet you just can't seem to stop. Maybe it's just nerves about this job, or maybe it's that this is the first troll you've really felt comfortable with since...gosh you don't even know when. But hey, she's another goldblood. She's also probably super excited. She'll understand. You'd cross your fingers, but you're already offering her the spoon and you don't want to make it obvious how much you really need this to go over well.

 

The only reason you don't skitter backwards sooner is because how the actual fuck is this actually happening? What the fucking fuck is wrong with this troll?

"No!"

Colliemom whirls between the two of you, growling at Keeler.

"That shit will kill you!"

 

You leap back, landing practically in Lukasz' lap, clutching your spoon as if it were your lusus' wool during a particularly harrowing barrel roll. You're too shocked to even consider getting out your screwdriver, but even if you had thought of it, you wouldn't do that to your new friend. You spare a brief thought that it's a good thing honey is so viscous or you'd have sloshed it all with those acrobatics you just pulled, but most of your brain is clamoring "Dog! Big dog! Big...COLLIE? FUCK staybackstaybackstaybackstayback" and urging you to cling to the closest thing that feels like your lusus, which in this case is Lukasz's sweater.

"No! No, no, no! Don't worry, I've significantly reduced the harmful side effects! I've stripped most of the problems out while maintaining most of the strengthening elements, and the worst that can happen right now is a short blackout, and that's only if you eat a lot at once! Which I promise I have not done since yesterday! And that was a couple jars at once. It's perfectly all right!"

 

"You are IDIOT," you growl. Literally, growling like your mom's creeps into your voice. "And why say 'strengthening' like good thing? What the fuck trying to do?"

 

Why do trolls keep touching your hoodie?!?! The cheerful psionic is clinging to it like some kind of suckerbeast and you understand the urge but that is YOUR JOB.

She's arguing with the new one about psionics or something and you don't care this is the second time a strange troll has assaulted your clothing and you've had a long night and all you want to do is hide inside your hood and cry over everything but you can't because people keep grabbing at it like its theirs. You couldn't do anything when it was the Kingpin and you can't not do anything now.

You stand abruptly, pushing Keeler away with a hard, panicked shove. You reach for the zipper to close the jacket up like armor, only to have your hands brush against something sticky. You glance down. There's a large splotch of honey near the right pocket, shining gold against the black and grey stripes.

"You got honey on it," you say, and feel your ocular gushers starting to burn. This can't be it, you think. This cannot be the thing that sets you off crying in front of all these new trolls. At least if you were tearing up over Papillona, it would make sense. But this is just humiliating.

Maybe no one will notice. Maybe the other trolls will fight and you'll be able to...clean up this mess in peace.

 

"Fuck's sake, now biohazard getting on others!" You charge forward, decaptchalogue a towel, and grab Lukasz to start wiping the honey off. Even for someone without psionics (which you have no idea if he even is) this shit is dangerous. "Why even have in first place??"