VINES TRIED TO EAT MY DICK (The MacElroys Play D&D)

HERE ARE THE RECS!
http://archiveofourown.org/works/9113296/chapters/20714059 mostly Taako angst but it doesn't assume that Sazed definitely did ALL The Bad Things Forever
http://archiveofourown.org/works/9101167 not a lot of Sazed focus but what's there is actually interesting
http://archiveofourown.org/works/8939608 AU: Taako did taste the chicken first
http://archiveofourown.org/works/8798044 I kind of love this one because the central theme is that you don't always get to know why.
http://archiveofourown.org/works/8619022 just a vignette but it's IC at least
http://archiveofourown.org/works/8300665 again, mostly just Taako angst, but the point is it's not a bash fic

And last but far from least:
http://archiveofourown.org/works/8582734
Fucking beautiful; manages to give Sazed red flags without it being nothing but red flags forever and always amen, and he's tragic without being woobified or excused! Taako is ICly a jerkass without being vilified or there being any suggestion of "deserving" that shit! This wins first place on the Sazed Fanfic Awards, IMO.

 

Aaaa thanks for all the recs! Saving to read at a less busy time. Though I did find the 'Taako eats the poison' one independently and it was pretty enjoyable.

I love the 'you don't get to know why' one already.

 

Spoiler: suffering game 4

- JFC, GRIFFIN.
- I know Taako's chill re: losing part of his vitality is Justin being a shit, but damn, it puts a sad slant on Taako repeatedly telling people that he lives like he's dying. OTOH, I love that Taako was otherwise his mercenary, egotistical self. Even bleeding to death, he's such a little jerk.
- Magnus, man. Magnus expecting to be dead by forty and resisting the dating game because of Julia and the cleverness with giving the game just a little suffering so that he could see where the smoke went.
- Merle's everything. I love that Merle was basically ready to throw down with Taako over who took the last sacrifice, even after he lost a fucking eye. I was afraid that sacrificing the ring was going to result in him losing his memories of his kids, but (seemingly) not.
- "It's getting spooky in here." Dudes, it was spooky as soon as you said the potential date was a Silent Hill mannequin, come on.

 

Okay now that I'm thinking about it, how old is Taako? Like in 5th edition High Elves are given their adult names and come of age around 100 years old, and can live to 750 if they really go at it.

Spoiler: I don't know if any of this is a spoiler but I'll cram it under here anyways

But Taako was on his own by the age of twelve, and from what I recall he was more or less a self taught caravan cook until he got into his magic/cooking show, which folded five years ago. So has Taako been a nomadic short order cook for eighty years, or is he actually super young by elf standards? Is there just a whole bunch of extra stuff in between I'm missing? I imagine the real answer is 'Justin/Griffin forgot how elf ages work' but I find myself intrigued by the idea that Taako is the elf equivalent of fifteen and shouldn't be allowed swords yet.
Also Taako sleeps in a sleeping sack due to night terrors and elves... don't sleep or dream? They have a semiconscious trance and a guided meditation mental exercise thing but night terrors come from REM sleep so (confused shrug) then again the PHB says that the mental exercise comes from years of practice. And again this is probably overthinking on my part or a general disregard on Justin and Griffin's part but now I'm imagining Taako is just, like, a semi-feral elf raised by nomadic caravan humans and never learned how to Elf properly. But he named himself and taught himself magic and cooked and carved a little niche in the world regardless. I have far too many Taako thoughts in my weird skull.

 

I like your Taako thoughts. New headcanon acquired: Taako never learned how to do a lot of elf stuff and thus is bad at elfing. I wonder how this affects how he relates to other elves...?

 

okay now i really REALLY love the idea of taako being a fucked up adolescent by elf standards, but like an unnervingly feral, self-possessed adolescent, the way a homeless human teenager could kick the shit out of their suburban highschool counterpart. if a teenager is forced to learn survival skills or die, they learn, even if knowing a lot of stuff doesn't make them any more emotionally developed or resilient... an elf taako's age should not be just out there wandering the world, they should be studying... nature... or something... safe in an enclave, guided and protected. but elves get tall fast and look young for centuries so no one who isn't an elf can tell that he's so young his voice has hardly started to break. he's like elf 13. kravitz is a human and he's got no idea elf child protective services is gonna come down on his ass if he smooches the guy.

fuck, what if taako's almost the same age as angus? i mean, so many fanfics posit that taako's gonna be angus's surrogate dad, but he's petty and mercurial and vengeful and sadistic, he's immature. he could be an elf kid. that's so fucked up.

 

Spoiler: suffering game

EVEN BETTER AND MORE HORRIBLE THOUGHT: TAAKO AND MAGNUS ARE BOTH IN THEIR 40'S NOW. TAAKO MAKES SOME KIND OF JOKE ABOUT IT AND MAGNUS REALIZES HOW FUCKED UP THAT IS BECAUSE HE SPEAKS ELVISH SO HE KNOWS ENOUGH ABOUT ELVES TO KNOW THE RATE THEY AGE. GODDAMN.

 

...the fucked uppedness only makes my Taako/Kravitz ship stronger.

 

im a little nervous that someone might say 'roach you only want taako to be younger because then taako/kravitz would be a PEDO SHIP' but i mean, if taako was younger, it'd make everything in TAZ a whole lot more fucked up, and frankly that's what i'm here for.

also like kravitz figuring out taako's basically a foul-mouthed 14 year old with a crush would be funny.

 

Most troubled teenagers crush on somebody like Jimmy Urine or Marilyn Manson. Taako tries to fuck the Raven Queen's bounty hunter.

 

Wow, that adds poignancy to the scene where Taako teaches Angus magic, tells him that he'll be a great wizard one day, and then swears that on that day, Taako will strike Angus down with all his strength. It makes it a territorial thing: "I'll teach you how to survive, kid, but if you take food out of my mouth and threaten MY survival, I will cut you. Don't even try me."

Also consider:

Spoiler: spoilers for merle's part of lunar interlude 4

Merle finding out that Taako's about the equivalent age of Mavis. Merle swinging wildly between trying to stay distant and overprotectiveness. Taako reacting like a cat being clutched by a toddler.

 

Merle attempting awkward but sincere paternal headpats and Taako leeeeeeaning out of reach like "Noooooo thank you"

 

haha yeah, exactly! i mean one of the things that really WORKS with the three boys is they're already at very different life stages, but they still goof around with each other like bros. none of them are paternal towards the others, they're all immature and crack each other up even when they're saving each other's lives. if merle or magnus tried to take care of taako he'd be SO OFFENDED probably.

then again, merle and magnus are already rowdy jerks who bully angus for a laugh, and he's very obviously a child, so it's possible they'd be a little concerned about taako but mostly just give him extra shit. like 'oh it's past your bedtime for adventures, taako! we need to put you down with some juice and a blankie!' and he'd be like 'absolutely go fuck all of you'.

 

Are there any rules or anything about discussing the doner episodes?

 

Are they canon? Because I haven't gotten to listen to them, but I might someday.

 

The first one is canon, it's a prequel

Spoiler: premise

it's about Tres Horny Boys meeting for the first time before Here There Be Gerblins

The second one is canon but

Spoiler: Non specific spoilers

it's a live show and nothing particularly revelatory happens, it's about 30% panicked flailing and 20% Clint forgetting which dice are which.

Third bonus is non-canon, Travis runs his own steampunk-y game with a different setting and characters.

 

This comic is adorable

 

Oh wow, those comic pages are really polished!
I like that it's generally accepted that Merle wears his hair in a topknot and Taako is at least slightly buck-toothed.

 

I managed to finish archive binging this series at the perfect time - I only have to live with the end-of-episode cliffhanger for a few hours! Can't wait to find out what horrible things will happen to the boys tomorrow! Also can't wait to see how Griffin is gonna handle Taako's latest assassination attempt on his planned storyline.

 

Spoiler: SG ep5

- Damn it, they Jossed my theory that Taako was one of those people who isn't conventionally attractive but has a weird charm / magnetism anyway.
- More proof of Taako being a terrible person: his reaction to Merle having kids. I did a weird 3x combo of wincing, facepalming and snort-laughing.
- Griffin came so damn close to removing Magnus's memories of Julia, goddamn. I love that Magnus had this moment of gravity where he made Taako and Merle take an oath of vengeance when you know Taako and Merle, if they come across the dude, are going to be like "... were we supposed to do something? kill this guy? fuck it, he probably owes us money. *shank*"
- Lucretia being mercenary about escaping = <3