VINES TRIED TO EAT MY DICK (The MacElroys Play D&D)

When I finally get a computer that can play it I'm definitely at least starting a DA:I run with Taako.

 

TAAKO THE INQUISITOR OH MY GOD

The most self-interest and #aesthetic driven Inquisition of them all

You gotta get the Qunari furnishings so he can have the bed pulled by massive golden statues of naked horned dudes, it's important, oh my god

 

omg romancing Dorian as Taako would be perfect too

 

@KathyGaele ooh, I was totally figuring conscription or something instead of Taako signing up willingly. Taako is Good Out Here. But I love your idea better.

Plus Fereldan!Magnus might FINALLY get a dog.

Inquisitor!Taako could be very irritable about the fact that he can't paint the nails on the hand with the stupid glowing mark. He's not sure why they ask him to choose between supporting the Templars or Mages when the answer is clearly "neither, because fuck this bullshit." Also Skyhold has the WORST weather for wearing flirty skirts.

 

Taako cuts boob windows into his mage robes.
Oh my god what if he absolutely loves Orlais. Maybe he's FROM Orlais. ORLESIAN TAAKO

 

A note on etymology: "Animus" originally meant "soul"; it took a trip via "strong feeling" to arrive at "ill-temper". So that's a fair range of potential meanings, or it could well be "all of the above"...

Spoiler: also SG2

Consider the possibility of "employment" actually meaning "enslavement". I strongly suspect Jessie and James aren't actually the holders of the Bell.

 

Every time someone in the Winter Palace calls Taako a rabbit, he smiles and steals another piece of jewelry. It's the Racist Dipshit tax.

By the end of the mission, he jangles softly.

 

What if he only took all the dessert spoons

 

Somewhere, back in Skyhold, they find a billion dessert spoons. No one knows where they came from, but it certainly has nothing to do with a social scandal in Orlais regarding offended nobles and sherbet.

(Oh my god, Sera and Taako would be TERRIFYING together. They have the sort of acidic, profane banter where no one can really tell if they like or loathe each other. Sera and Taako aren't super sure either.)

 

<SMOOSHES MY CHEEKS> OH MY GOD TAAKO AND VIVIENNE

She thinks he has amazing fashion sense until one day he pops up in the throne room wearing all plaidweave fancy mage robes. He acts very confused when she is appalled.

Sera and Taako though. Holy shit.

SERA AND TAAKO VS. SOLAS IT WOULD BE INCREDIBLE

THE SAME ANTICS FROM THE FANTASY GACHAPON I AM SCREAMING

 

Spoiler: Eleventh Hour

Taako: Please...could you find those people who made those beautiful statues of us. And tell them...tell them to make my dick bigger.
Leliana: *immediately high fives him*

 

God help me I'm designing many outfits for Inquisitor Taako what have you DONE TO ME

 

*gleeful cackling*

 

So you know how I was complaining about Sazed characterization? The fanfic universe has heard my pleas!

 

First, just want to say that fic just broke my heart into bitty pieces, especially Taako having a relationship with Sazed. If it happened, that's probably how it went about and how everything just... Fell apart.

Spoiler: Suffering Game Episode 2, I should not be speculating before the end of the episode

Alright, I am having some questions with The Suffering Game, considering the nature of everything that happened in episode one... Is it actually the Animus Bell the party is after?

I am sure whatever is powering Wonderland is some crazy-ass hoo-joo and it's just calling out adventurers willy-nilly. And I read the spoilers for the episode in this thread, so I'm pretty sure the two elf mercenaries are the elves described as the actual maybe-enemies-maybe-victims-akin-to-Junebug-maybe-both-like-Sloane dealie... But it's got billboards for a lot of things. We have the Animus Bell, but also that Midnight Milk or whatever for Sterling. And the Heart of the Forest for one elf while the other got a different leather band (even if they're controlling the 'Animus Bell', it could be what initially drew either to be involved). Considering the nature, maybe there's going to be a fakeout and the Animus Bell is just going to be some middle-to-high level normal-ish sort of magic like the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom and the actual artifact is going to be something different entirely, and everyone is going to be thrown for a loop?

But this is mid-episode speculation, so I am fully anticipating on being wrong. It's just all we know is what the Director said, and while I actually don't think she's evil, I think she doesn't know as much as she thinks, and this is one of those cases where she just doesn't know the truth.

Also, right after my speculation, we just went into Mickey Mouse stealing Merle's wiener.

 

Spoiler: Suffering Game Live Update responses

Alright, so Team Rocket are not Antonia and Rowan. I should have figured because they're called Team Rocket and not Antonia and Rowan.

And this makes the question on "is this actually an Animus Bell, or does the Director think it's the Animus Bell when it's something entirely different?"

 

So, I finished the episode and had a bit of time to think and come to conclusions on my own for now.

Spoiler: Theory on Suffering Game

I don't think the Animus Bell is the Artifact. I think it's not even a very good item like the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom, it might be something that does something like "ring bell to have the same effect as 'Speak with Dead' spell, once per day" or something like that. What I thinj is the item is hidden and secret, and why Jessie and James danced around what the effects of this place is and why it's leeching out life via horrible acts and despair with the promise of something grand at the end that changes per person.

I think it's going to go down like this: the Tres Horny Boys are going to get their asses served to them on a platter. Just creamed here, but keep pushing forward. One of them might die, I don't know, but they're almost assuredly going to suffer a whole ton and it's going to be an unpleasant and depressing experience.

And then they're going to succeed. They're going to push through and get that goddamn bell, and it's going to be wrong. They're going to win and it's going to be 'congrats, you won a bullshit!' and they're going to be pissed.

Now this could be seen as a shadow of Paloma's black prophesy coming true, or it could be meant to mirror it for later, but they've got two options here: try again with going for someone else's item like the Heart of Forest or Miracle Milk or Carmine's Collar or just go home and give up. And they will take the third option: destroy Wonderland and rip it to bits, and getting out any NPC who might be dead or dying because fuck you Wonderland, give us the shit.

Now it's a bit early for the black prophesy to come true, but there's also other impacts for why I'm guessing this: first, the team is clearly traumatized. Taako still had multiple years where he thought he murdered a town even if he now knows "oh hey, I'm off the hook there!" and also a shitty childhood and no ability to leave this position. Merle has a bad, possibly abusive depending on fan interpretation, marriage he escaped from and is now trying to make amends with the kids he left behind, as well as his faith in Pan pretty clearly dying thanks to a fundamentalist-y upbringing mixed with having his danged arm chopped off. Magnus has been trying to make up for the death of his wife, mentor and hometown up for years, as well as slowly realizing that he might be an unwitting mole or perhaps the Bureau of Balance might be wrong, and is definitely hiding secrets from him. They're all hurt, they're all untrusting, they're all trying to do their best to save this world even if they're aware of the fact they suck and Phandalin is super dead, and they're barely trusting each other.

What would be a better trust-building exercise than making it through a Saw-esque torture palace, and ripping it to bits with their own bare/wood hands? The last two events had "don't kill people!" as side options, so as an inverse to that, "fuck 'em up" seems valid, and it's a likely shot of letting them finally get some chance of showing pain and suffering what for. No, you don't get to make a torture palace and promise people cheap magic shit they can get at a Fantasy Costco. You don't get to harm more people. The Tres Horny Boys have been harmed enough, and now it stops.

 

Oh no it's devastating

 

http://fallingfuckfirstintofandom.t...llingfuckfirstintofandom-on-episode-48-of-the

the wankweasels have invaded the fandom, brb crying

 

god dammitttt