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Vent Walk-in freezer (general-purpose vent thread)

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by seebs, Jun 1, 2016.

  1. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Okay, so, long ago on another forum, they had a "pub" thread for general social chatter, and then they had a "walk-in-freezer" thread for venting and letting off steam. Mostly by applying frozen hash browns to foreheads.

    And that seemed like a really cool idea, and I once had a lovely chat with someone where we'd been arguing in another thread and pissed each other off, and we showed up in the freezer at the same time and commiserated, and it was really awesome.

    So this is for all those vent posts you want to make but where you don't feel like starting a thread or having your own thread, you just need to say the thing and be heard saying it. This is in part a response to concerns about triggery venting in profile posts, and as a result, be aware that some stuff here could be triggery. (And feel free to spoiler-tag stuff if you don't want people to see it automatically.)
     
    • Like x 10
  2. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    The previous tenants left a freezer full of mystery crap in our basement. It's a chest freezer, which makes it fucking worse.
     
    • Like x 6
  3. keltena

    keltena Probably Exists

    Today has officially made itself full-on self-loathing o'clock. Well, I say "today", but I don't actually have any reason to think it'll be confined to the day, considering it really started yesterday and showed no signs of actually stopping before steadily ramping up from "I low-key can't stop feeling humiliated by literally everything I've ever done by existing" through "I feel slightly physically nauseous from how intensely I hate myself" to "I've never been actively suicidal and that hasn't changed but the thought of dying is kinda nice to daydream about with existing being so horrible". It's okay, it's not like I've ever gone more than a few days without this feeling in the past several months, right? Totally liveable, and I will undoubtedly survive to irrationally hate myself sick another day. Yay.
     
  4. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    I just really want to give up and I wish I could give up and just not give a fuck and be fucking self actualized or whatever but I am just a wreck, I'm a terrible self absorbed human being who does everything I can to get validation butit's never enough because I am not enough. This is the forum I probably post most on anywhere on the interent and I sure as fuck can't make face to face human connections. I feel like I've tried everything I can but it doesn't mean anything because in the end everyone cab tell I'm terrible. There's no point to me, there's nothing I can do right, there's nothing I'm good at and no point to me as a human being, I'm just an attention hungry bitch with no fucking heart or soul
     
  5. Aniseed

    Aniseed Well-Known Member

    housemate checked himself into hospital this morning. got transferred to mental health hospital. is regretting being there. ok.

    but, he asked me not to tell my partner who is his primary caregiver because he didn't want to worry her while she's out of town. i did anyway because she has a right to know something important like this. feel guilty.

    also feel. idk. annoyed. agitated. upset. uncomfortable. that i'm essentially being his 'go to' right now. i don't want to be. i don't want to be the one handling this. i don't know what to do or what to say.

    also irritated at the idea that. idk. this isn't the first time he's waited until my partner is out of town to have a breakdown. though the last time he did her and i were both out of town together and he was just lucky my other housemate came home, noticed he was acting weird, and got him to spill the beans about his suicide plan and get his pills hidden away from him.

    like. i don't know. i don't feel comfortable with the idea that my partner will go away somewhere and i'll have to 'babysit' him. that sounds condescending. but i don't know what other word to use. i don't like the idea that i could just not know what's up and walk in to find his corpse.

    i can't deal with this. i know i'm kind of freaking out but. i don't want to have to worry about this -every time- she goes out of town or we both go out of town. but i can't make him get on medication that actually works and get him the help he needs.

    i'm not going to know what to do if he needs to come back home. i don't know how i'll act when he gets home. i just want to hide away because i'm not a person who can handle this stuff and i feel like people are expecting me to be. other housemate keeps stressing and worrying at me and making me stress and worry more. i wish i had gone away with my partner just so i wouldn't be here for this.

    and this is the same housemate that regularly triggers me just by, like, conflicting brain weird, and that's adding to both guilt and stress for me right now because yeah this is pretty triggering in itself and i feel guilty for just, not liking somebody who is Clinically Depressed or whatever.

    and the freaking out part of my brain is just like, thinking about Should I Move Back Home To Get Away From This Situation? Should I Break Up With My Partner To Get Away? it's irrational bullshit but here i am.
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
  6. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    I've been in and out of a meltdown state pretty much constantly for the past four weeks, and it's really fucking draining and I'm really fucking sick of it, and every time I see a little light at the end of the tunnel something happens that sets it off again
    there's no way to properly describe how fucking terrifying it is to be out of control, and to be afraid of things i might potentially say or do when in that state
    i do what i can to head it off. i restrain myself so i cant type. i ask for bans when i notice it building.
    but it keeps getting worse and i'm scared. i don't want to do anything stupid. i just want to be happy. i keep restricting myself more and more and it is getting to the point where i'm starting to think i have to completely isolate myself.
     
  7. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    luka talked in detail about boston bomber victims in the circular file thread and now i'm all numb and agitated. i don't want to try to ask people to spoiler any mention of real live people being killed slowly and in pain, because it's not like it comes up much, and frankly just telling people about it would remind me more often than anyone would naturally bring it up? it's just not worth trying to avoid. but i did not want to spend the evening fighting intrusive thoughts of slow painful terrified deaths.
     
  8. Arxon

    Arxon Well-Known Member

    I've kind of lost any ability and motivation to art and I'm not even good but it just makes me feel so useless and empty, like I've lost the only thing that helps me bring meaning to myself.
     
  9. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    Everytime i stand up to fast my brain just switches off for a split second and I would like that shit to stop, but all my bloodwork comes up negative or in the normal ranges and i physically cannot drink more water without making myself throw up and I don't want to eat bc I feel like I'll throw up and now I had a fight with my mom over accidentally letting her things drop which is totally my fault except she is pissed off and acting like i did it on purpose and i just want to cry and never stop bc fuck this fuck all of this i just want to have a mild medical crisis one goddamn time where I can get a neat and easy answer and a sensible treatment plan and at this point i'm even over my pill aversion because. just. fix. my. problems. please. I don't care anymore. Fuckit i'll learn to get over my problem with taking pills if it just means my body will stop throwing hissyfits every few months for weeks at a time.
    Why are my blood and cardiovascular system such traitors and pretend I'm healthy on all fronts when that is clearly not the case?
     
  10. i forgot to take a hs exam i think and today's graduation and i don't know if i'll get a diploma or not and i literally just realized this and i have no. idea. how to explain to my parents if i'm right. they aren't gonna take 'sorry, memory's fucked, i managed to forget this important thing for two full weeks' as an excuse
    and basically i need to die. right here right now just die.
     
  11. @KathyGaele @Aniseed hugs for both of you, if you want them 8(

    (someone plz tell me if we're not supposed 2 respond 2 other ppl's ventposts, thx!)
     
    • Like x 2
  12. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    I think my dad and brother hate me because I don't obey their orders to call them back. I think they'll feel justified in angrily telling me to be considerate of others' feelings. I think they'll think my feelings are not valid, that my reasons for not calling weren't good enough, and that if I start to tell them, they'll interrupt me to tell me to stop making excuses. That, ultimately, they expect me to value their feelings over my own.

    I worry that my mom wasn't spouting bullshit when she told me that dad abused her wherewe couldn't see. That I disbelieved her because I COULD see the ways she was abusing him, and I assumed she was DARVOing.

    I worry that she was lying, and I let her toxic words plant seeds that have rooted all through my suspicions and fears and shames and angers, and that I'm reacting in awful incomprehensible ways and hurting my dad and bro with them.
     
  13. Socratease

    Socratease Well-Known Member

    I died a long time ago. I do not exist.
     
  14. sirsparklepants

    sirsparklepants *cries in sports*

    Missed my therapy appointment two weeks in a row because I thought I set my phone to remind me an hour before but it was set to ten minutes before instead. Didn't even bother calling this time because spoons. I'm mad at myself because this is all my own fault and I know even if my therapist isn't upset with me I'm going to blow it up into a big deal in my head and try to use it as a reason to not go next time.
     
  15. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Tonight is yet another night where I get to sit about feeling bad and doing nothing enjoyable. Also, I saw some critique of my music and it's all shit apparently. Woo hoo. Don't know if I can really find it in myself to work on more of it anytime soon.
     
  16. double-oh-non

    double-oh-non New Member

    you have no idea what button you just pushed. you have no idea how invalidating that message was. you have no idea how many levels that is hurtful on. and bringing it up would be almost entirely pointless, because i'll just be overreacting. as always. because my buttons don't matter. it matters if someone pushes your buttons, it matters if they hurt you unconsciously, but not me. nope.

    i know you meant it to be a general statement. but it sure as hell felt personal.
     
  17. Erica

    Erica occasionally vaguely like a person

    god fucking damn it dad when i say i need a hug because my anxiety is acting up over presentation bs i mean i need the psychical comfort of a hug because i feel like there's a black fucking hole in my chest and a hug would at least make me feel present in my own body in a way that isn't absolute fucking horseshit, i'm asking for a hug because i need a damn hug, not because i need you to tell me to 'man up' and 'it's just a presentation' listen i know this is not a proportionate emotional response but strangely enough that logic does not fucking help me when i'm panicking so much i can't breathe, thanks
    ughhhhhhhhh dad is usually so good with these thigns too i just!!! wanted a fucking hug dad why
     
  18. Aondeug

    Aondeug Ferdinand von Aegir

    i cannot fucking stand my chest it needs to leave right fucking now
     
  19. Ruevian

    Ruevian Killer Queen

    All the morality policing and purity crusades on the internet are filling me with a bleak sort of weariness and I want the world to just stop for like five minutes.
     
    • Agree x 1
  20. Aondeug

    Aondeug Ferdinand von Aegir

    I got stuck in my fucking binder trying to put it on.
     
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