Vent Walk-in freezer (general-purpose vent thread)

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by seebs, Jun 1, 2016.

  1. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Hey, I know i feels awful to have to be doing the legwork around this but please reach out to one of your friends and at let them know you're having a bad time. It's very human to want and need attention, but I personally believe many ND and/or otherwise marginalized folks have trauma responses around asking for other people to make time and space for them. Sometimes you do need to directly come out and say, hey can you please make time for me, I'm feeling really bad rn.

    Asking for something isn't manipulative.
     
    • Agree x 6
  2. The Mutant

    The Mutant ' w '

    Maybe, but my friends have brain issues of their own, and I don't want to have to wonder if they're spending time with me out of guilt or obligation because 'oh if I don't then Mute will feel bad', that'll do nothing for my brain. I've mentioned as much as I dare that I feel like I have nothing worth doing and feel useless/ even asked if there's anything I can help with around our disaster zone of a house, to no result.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2021
    • Witnessed x 5
  3. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    My existence is so utterly pointless and empty, and at 28 I don't think there's any way it'll get better. If I was a naive 15 year old I'd think maybe I could find love, hope, happiness, a support network, a way out.

    But I'm not a child. I'm an adult. And for most of us, the window of time closes. People draw a lot in life. I can't be useful, I can't be loved. I'm not especially socially skilled, or skilled job wise. I have a bad relationship with my family.

    My left leg and fingers are going numb with intermittent pain. Great, more useless.

    Speeding car almost hit me today, and I wish instead of moving I'd chosen to get hit.
     
    • Witnessed x 6
  4. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    Why do stupid, immature, fictional characters get everything I want and I don't?
     
    • Witnessed x 3
  5. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    I'm really tired and emotionally empty again and I have no idea whether it's my period, the weather getting colder, or my medication change, or all three. Either way I don't want to leave my bed.
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  6. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    Please remind me that the long-term effects of going to the gym will be different from the short-term effects, which are "still fat, also smelly and tired".
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  7. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    tfw the one person you've been dating since you were 19 is now moving in with your ex who hates you
    and you feel at 28 you are for sure christmas cake and wasted the prime years of your life
    and even a loving and normal relationship seems out of your grasp
    i never expected my family relationships to get better, but I at least thought my partner of fuck, I guess 9-10 years would always be there for me
    or hoped
    or dreamed

    and you have only 1 irl friend who is a workaholic who never likes to hear you complain about personal issues and thinks relationships are damned anyway so isn't the most sympathetic

    and you are too old to ever restart your life in a meaningful way
    and you don't have any great goal or plan to live for, nothing that truly brings you personal meaning

    and you will die alone
    and you will die alone
    and you will die alone

    I guess one thing I wish I could be in is a creative industry... but that's a doomed idea, especially at my age
     
    • Witnessed x 4
  8. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    I was up crying all night because I put some weight back on, and I hate myself for caring that I did.
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2021
    • Witnessed x 1
  9. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    Weight control program which I told about my various overlapping problems and told I would require actual therapy called me back offering a free Slimming World membership, which, even if it wasn't a bullshit scam and even if I wanted to spend my evenings exchanging recipes with middle-class mommies and explaining my weight to all and sundry, is a carb-heavy diet which is useless to a prediabetic. And they deadnamed me, despite my new name definitely being on my medical records.
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2021
    • Witnessed x 3
  10. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    @ChelG could you please spoiler weight and ED related things in the general vent thread, just as a basic courtesy? I have sympathy but i don't need having all my shit triggered without warning thanks
     
    • Agree x 1
  11. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    Sorry! Doing that now.
     
  12. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

  13. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    Really bad nightmare about a screaming match with mother like we used to have when I was a teen, turning into her telling me she hated me and I was awful and then us exchanging physical violence, which never happened in real life but it felt really real at the time. I haven't even thought about how shitty we were to each other back then in a while and having it all come up again really sucks. Obviously I can't talk to her about it...
     
  14. vuatson

    vuatson [delurks]

    about to perhaps become a discord mod in the wake of Some Server Drama, let's see how this goes lmao
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  15. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    I thought the UK was more progressive than it actually is because I was going with my own experiences, which have been okay in that area, and it's becoming ever clearer that that's not the norm. It's disappointing, it's stressful because I don't know what I can do to help, and it's kind of making me feel fucked up because I'm luckier than 99% of the country and I'm still miserable?
     
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