Vent Walk-in freezer (general-purpose vent thread)

There has got to be some law against writing someone up when they mess up a job they where not trained for. In other news my boss continues to single me out and be a generally terrible person. Not to mention the definition of religious nut.

 

I've been feeling down lately and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I just spent ten minutes of my drive home crying, and now I'm okay but. I dunno. I'm just off. Feeling generally bad about myself. I'm stupid, I'm worthless, that sorta stuff. And like, I keep telling myself it doesn't fucking matter, and sometimes that clicks and it's like, yeah, sure, of course it doesn't matter, this is stupid, who even cares? But sometimes it doesn't work and I don't really know what to do then.

I also realized I don't have anyone in my life I'd talk to about feeling bad. I dunno how to feel about that.

 

I can't believe Justin turned out to be a fucking rapist. Fuck CA and fuck anyone who knew about his actions and didn't come forward and fuck Mike Michaud especially for that bullshit response that p much outed him which his anonymous victims did NOT want before now, and fuck him cos I fucking loved that guy, he meant so much to me as a producer and ap erson and now everything's tarnished and I feel like I mourned someone I didn't even actually know and this SUCKS

 

Fiance got suspended from work for a clerical error .fuck this

 

Well I feel like trash.

I can’t. Stop. Being. An. Asshole. I’m trying so hard. I want to be nice more than anything. I consider kindness the one true moral. But I can’t stop being an asshole. The second I stop rigorously watching myself I start ragging on people and mocking people and acting like a bitch. I don’t know what to do. I want to be good more than anything but even just being a little tired makes me an asshole.

Is there a mood disorder that makes you a bitch??? What is wrong with me??? Why can’t I be nice? I’m told all the time that being nice is easy and doesn’t cost you anything, why can’t I do it??? I feel like a disease

 

Spoiler: death

so that fuckin

guy who just murdered 10 people with a van in toronto

I'm watching the livestream of police updating media on the investigation and unfortunately the chat is full of absolute assholes

The suspect made a post beforehand basically praising another murderer and somrthing about incels or something

So of course the chat is treating it like a meme and just being racist and antisemitic too

Wow, fuckwads, how about, go drink five glasses of water and never touch a keyboard again, people died

 

My therapist gave me that super cliche homework of making a list of 30 things I like about myself and I can't think of a single one that isn't somehow a lie or innacurate

 

Spoiler: abuse

friend has an emotionally and physically abusive narcissist of a sister and her parents won't do shit about it

we're trying to get friend to move to our state and live w us but it won't be for months at the least and in the meantime everything I hear about the sister makes my blood boil with rage

Usually I find hatred exhausting but I loathe this girl with every fiber of my being

Sometimes friend manages to record stuff w her phone and I hope she's keeping it all as evidence

Sister should have been locked up for assault by now but no one will do anything

 

one of my more socially awkward friends has an ex who's been going around telling everyone that she was abusive and im just [screaming] wrong

 

Everything is happening too much and it's not like i even have that much to deal with!

time to fucken, destroy my body by shoving sugar into it and neglecting my insulin, hope i spontaneously just get teleported to the other side of the universe instead of having to do my job today

 

Spoiler: body stuffs

Sleep is not a happen, apparently. My throat is dry, and my eyes are sticky, and my shoulder has been a ball of pain for a week now because I still don't have a proper desk after two months of being here cause im a garbge fire and I spent my money on stupid things instead of a desk and chair. And on top of it all nightmares and just....hhhhh....lemme sleep I just wanna do the sleep thing please body.

 

I know thoughts of doing harmful things are common but does anyone else here have intrusive thoughts of doing disgusting things?

Spoiler: extremely gross

Back when I still had pet rats, when I cleaned their cage out I would get thoughts about how I should just grab handfuls of the shit-filled sawdust and shove them in my mouth, I'm terrified of slugs but have had occasional thoughts of biting into them, and I haven't specifically had urges to do anything she says she did but I identify way too strongly with the infamous Maggot Girl.

 

Extrovert friend is chronically unable to recognize subtle signals that I want him to go home. Why do I keep inviting him over. I just want to eat pasta and read Discworld now leave me in peace

 

How Do I Make Him Leave I’ve already hinted that he should go home and sleep three times and he has TUCKED HIMSELF INTO MY BED

 

Unpopular opinion: people you don't like on the internet are still people.
Even more unpopular opinion: it is possible to block / ignore / mute people for your own health and well-being.
Extremely unpopular opinion: people who do "bad things" are still people and still deserve to be happy and loved and respected.

 

My sibling's childhood friend (who i never quite got along with) and her boyfriend (who is a total stranger) are staying overnight at our apartment and there's no way from my room to the bathroom except through the living room, where they are sleeping. so i guess im not peeing until tomorrow

 

@ the person who screencapped my post, about fees for changing your gender marker, from a closed group and shared it publically:

Thanks for apologizing once i messaged you, i havent checked if you've actually taken the post down but like, fuck

I made some dumb mistakes myself recently, so i kinda get how you might forget to ASK before making my post (in a closed group!!) public with my name and profile pic still in it! Ask me first! I will tell you to just crop my name out or copy paste the information i was sharing into your own post!

Aaaaaugh.

(Edit: becauae i am not publicly out and i dont want anyone to like make the leap from "talking about trans info" to "is trans")


Ps: dear fb friend who shared the post this person made with my name in it: uhhh??

 

My mom: Don’t you want to take two days off work to fly to another state with us so you can see that zoo you always wanted to see? :)

Me: I know full well that the real reason for this trip is some kind of medical convention about Dead Sister’s condition, and you two will be in horrible, awkward, unpredictable moods throughout. So no, absolutely not

 

Spoiler

Partner has been through so much medical/health bullshit lately that I can't bear waking them up if they're sleeping peacefully.

Sometimes I want to just throw rocks at the universe and yell.

 

I am stressed to fucking death about work stuff and I would like it to stop