Vent Walk-in freezer (general-purpose vent thread)

I stupidly missed a doctor's appointment because I thought it was tomorrow when it was yesterday and I do this all the time and I need someone to tell me I'm not worthless for it :(

 

(I guarantee you are not worthless)

 

Me rn:

 

I think I've been going through the five stages of grief wrt this wheat allergy, and I'm currently on bargaining, because this is the stupid thing I did today:

- bring antihistamines with me to after-funeral dinner just in case of Accidental Wheat
- see there's cake
- go oh, I can have cake just this once so long as I take an antihistamine afterward, it'll be fiiiiine
- it was not fine
- spend the next half an hour fine and then the next four hours sleepy and wheezy

It was good cake but. Not THAT good. Not that the increasing confirmation of "yes wheat actually does make you sick even when you take steps to mitigate it so maybe don't eat it on purpose, dumbfuck" is actually helping me deal with it. I still get depressed whenever I go through the baked goods section of the grocery store.

 

fucking anxious!

 

Malaise, and dread

 

Spoiler: cw for that missionary who got shot

interacting about this with proudly trigger happy leftists is mad stressful because my own position "death isn't good and I can't enjoy this but it had to be done. more importantly what about the natives?" could be interpreted as both conventional leftist response (I don't blame the natives or imply that wasn't proper self-defense) OR neoliberal virtue signalling (I can't provide the polite amount of enjoyment or blanket support of killing in self-defense) depending on mild difference in priorities and room lighting and I super don't want to know which one is it gonna be this time

 

legit. learning more about other people is the opposite of fun and rewarding

 

It costs literally nothing not to send strangers messages about how you don't like their art.

 

why did I even *think* I could be funny without a person to play off of

this story is proving,,, difficult and nerve wracking

 

I can't go to my dad's birthday party because I have to go to rehearsals for the dance I still haven't finished doing properly :(

EDIT: Phew. Dance teacher offered to book a special appointment for me so I can go after all.

 

Got the morbs something fierce today. SAD is a goddamn bitch

 

Wish everything wasn't crashing and burning around finals. Anxious to save all my shit vs knowing I have to study

 

Y'know how sometimes you can just feel a depressive spiral coming on? That.

Also we have a thread for just, weird/dumb things intrusive thoughts want you to do?

Not necessarily harmful ones but just like,

"Stick your hand in the mirror hinge."
No, that would hurt, that's bad.
"No, no hurt. Go slow."
Why...?
"Squish good."

Edit: made the thread

 

Constantly feeling people care more about whether you draw or write a fictional character getting abused than actual abuse victims and today the overwhelming sadness of that situation and everyone I deal with one a day to day basis on top of a fantastically shitty day has me feeling fantastically melancholy

 

Stressed over this whole tumblr thing
I've tried so hard doing tagging and fandom and learning about cool new things via the tumblr space and i don't know what'll happen

I dunno its really hard spreading my art around im trying my best and this is just discouraging

 

sudden vivid flashback to the time when I was sitting on a metal railing in line for the bumper cars, and flipped upside down and hit my head on the lower railing

I can remember the G O N G as the back of my skull hit the metal bar

I probably should have gone to the doctor after that huh?? I hit my head a LOT as a kid come to think of it, I wonder if that's why I have a headache all the time now

 

fave artist retweeted swerf shit an I smashed that mf unfollow button. feels bad man. not as bad as when fave artist retweeted terf shit and then deadass came out as terf but I liked this one more

 

I deserve An Fucking Award for the level of self-control and restraint I showed this evening.

 

It's hard for me to do meaningful activism when, the second I encounter someone from outside of the social bubble I've constructed for myself, I start thinking, "you know, maybe they're right, and I am causing the downfall of Western civilization with how damn shrill and Triggered I am"