Weight, health, food, and bodies [TW]

My family has a strictly working-class background (farmers and tradespeople) and I have a build which reflects that heritage of physical labour. I tend to run to fat, but with a solid layer of muscle underneath. My BMI has never been in the normal range and I've never been in hospital, despite various flavours of brainweird and disorder. 36 years with no breaks, fractures or internal problems which required medical intervention, but I still get told that I 'must' be ill: pre-diabetic (bloods say no), hypertensive (normal range), or plain idle and eating badly. The nurse at the GP just told my 78-year-old dad that he might be pre-diabetic,and prescribed a low-sugar and low-salt diet. I personally think he's doing pretty goddamn well, he still lifts weights and is an active community councillor despite having crushed heels (he jumped off a ladder rather than fall, some twenty years ago now).

Anyway, I completely internalised a lot of fat hatred because of my non-standard body and had some cockamamie ideas about fitness and boom, disordered eating right through my twenties. I still don't necessary like the way I look but I appreciate my body for what it can do. Last measure my BMI was somewhere over 40, so I can derisively refer to myself as 'deathfat' while still fitting into a men's medium (let's not talk about trousers and jeans pls lol).

 

I never want to be under 150lbs ever again. I spent a lot of my teens and early twenties flirting with double digits due to brainbad, and you know what? You are cold all the time, tired all the time, vaguely achy all the damn time. It made the depression so much worse, and thats not even starting in on the guilt every time you eat or the self hate or the fear. People kept saying "you're so beautiful!" And it was like, no, im sick assholes. We'd tell doctors "shes having trouble eating, shes lost another 15 lbs and they'd be like "thats marvelous!" While you could count every bone ive got and eating issues are LITERALLY DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA for depression.

Amazingly, when you have enough to eat your body tends to do better! Who knew?

 

I'm here for Team Tall & Fat.

I don't exercise, though I have managed to briskly walk regularly for exercise in the past. I don't do it right now because I'm without medication and the depression saps my ability to power through the body image issues, and also sometimes my ability to be able to leave the house at all. Also the boobs make exercising so fucking unpleasant in so many ways, I want them greatly reduced or gone. There's a lot of things to overcome and I just cannot right now.

I'm an overeater and I don't really care about that? I think it might be my contrarian nature combined with people trying to "subtly manipulate" me into eating less/dieting. The best way to get me to not do something is by trying to trick or guilt me into doing it. "Are you sure you want seconds?" "Well I wasn't before, but now I am."

I've done healthy diets and lost weight before, it's not particularly hard for me, and even then I eat a lot. It just turns into eating a lot of salad instead of eating a lot of pasta. I feel bad when people try so hard to lose weight and just can't when all I have to do is control portion size (and have the spoons to make somewhat healthy meals).

I don't really care about being fat or thin or whatever, my only motivations for losing weight in the past has been "it is getting annoying to find clothes that fit". I would like to be stronger, though, and beefier. That would be cool.

 

Team BMI is Bullshit, Thin =\= Healthy.

1) BMI doesn't factor in genetics like genetic predisposition to HUGE CANS (isn't it based on a stereotype "male" body anyway?)

2) "You CAN'T have hypothyroidism! You're so thin!"
Yes because I lack the spoons to feed myself.
*six months of undiagnosed hell later*
"Hmm. Maybe we should give you a blood test, just to check oonnnooOOOH SHIT. Damn. Wow. Uhm. Apparently you do have it."

 

So on one side of my family, I've got dad's fam, who are all tall, but start catching up to their metabolism around mid thirties.

(Scary thought for me-my grandmother died of complications due to diabetes & secondhand smoke, and she was a larger woman, but everyone though she was big-boned, like most of that family. Surprise-petit bone structure. No one could tell)

when my grandma died, it was kind of a wakeup call to my dad, who was overweight (though probably it worried my mom more, because she is in charge of Kicking People in the Ass in this family), and recently he has been working on getting rid of the beer belly. (Though it's tough, because he pushes himself really hard, has joint issues, and his thermo regulation system is shit because chemo so)

Mom is thinner (even in comparison to the rest of her fam. She's a bit of a changeling child) and sparrow boned.

So right now I'm trying to figure out if I'm going to hit thirties and start having to watch what I eat, or struggle with remembering food is a thing for the rest of my life.

Which is a little worrying, because while I don't have an ED that I know of, food's always been tricky for me. Sometimes texture screws me over, and if I get distracted by something then I can eat. ...but if I get too distracted, I forget about eating entirely.

Add a really long history of people telling me I'm too thin and "that's what you're eating??", combine that with my history of "oh, you're telling me to do something I was thinking about doing? OK fuck you I'm not doing it"...

If we're talking BMI, I just hit above underweight for the first time ever about 3 years ago. And I'm pretty sure the doc who told me that assumed I had weight/brain issues, because she would not shut up about it.

Like, I get it, "healthy weight", great, whatever, but the thing is, I feel fine, so I know I'm fine. I'm really good at self monitoring. I know when im not at a good weight for me. I can tell, because I feel shifty and cold and tired and a little dizzy. Which sucks! So if I have any control over that, I don't want to feel that way.
which means that when I remember, I'll eat healthy, and I try to have healthy snacks on hand at all times in case I forget food exists and need a boost.

(Side note of wtf because I'm tall and thin, but a lot of that is muscle. I got my dad's side of broad shoulders, and I build muscle pretty quickly. I don't *look* unhealthy thin. So why the fuck do people keep telling me I need to eat more? Actually, I'll add a picture of the me, and if you want, you can tell me if I'm actually OK looking, or if I look unhealthy and have deluded myself into thinking I'm not)

 

You don´t look unhealthy in the sense of looking like you´re sick or malnourished, to me. You are however very slender. But that can just be your build.

 

OK, thanks. I get skinnier in the summer, but this is the most I get.
and I could see someone thinking I was malnourished when I was a kid (weighed 75 lbs in 4th grade), but, yeah, now it's just slender :)
thanks :)

 

Yeah no you don't look malnourished to me either. Very slender, sure. If pressed I'd describe it as a delicate bone structure *shrug*

 

Your family sounds like my husband's. His dad got the Suddenly Beer Gut, his sister is "built like a bird" and you're built exactly like my younger BIL.

Navy keeps telling him to "eat a damn sandwich" and "tell your wife to feed you" despite a highly pasta-oriented diet. If it really bothers you, you could try to build muscle. He had a bunch of coworkers become gymrats upon entry to the military, which solved the "problem" one way or another.

But you don't look unhealthy, just thin :D

 

I'm actually doing that this summer, mostly not intentionally. I work at a factory until october, so it's all lifting and hammering and riveting. And after october, it's americorps, and they do actual physical training.
Plus, I live with my bro rn, and he's *really into pasta*, which should help too. :D
I just wish people could figure out that telling someone to change their weight is obnoxious. I feel like the only exceptions for that is if you're really close family and/or if they have asked you. Bleh.

 

I've known a few people who look like you, and they generally have issues with bulking up unless they really try. Like really really hard. Your general bone structure can contribute to the overall thing, of course.

And yes, it is super obnoxious people comment it and I am sorry that's happened to you. People often forget that while some people get told to eat less, some people also get told to eat more and it doesn't help. Food doesn't behave the same with everyone.

 

Yeah husband & BIL both did martial arts for ten years (hapkido and tai kwan do respectively) and gained very little visible muscle but could deadlift things like couches so ymmv. If nothing else it's fun to watch people go "Wait shit how'd he do that?!"

 

*loses weight*
*remembers I have a huge ribcage*
I mean, I'm going to say this is a good thing? Because lung capacity for singing? Still, weird to notice this thing that I'd pretty much forgotten about since I grew boobs. :L

 

So I decided to compromise my own health by eating doughnuts on Sunday. It's been two and half years since my last doughnut and I was offered Krispy Kremes, I'm not made of stone.

So after glutening myself good I expected the usual fortnight of gently tending to my inflamed skin while it throws a tantrum of epic proportions (hoped it wouldn't happen, but still). I did not expect that I would also get a pretty bad case of angular cheilitis - I kind of forgot how bad a reaction I have to yeasted baked products, especially sugary ones. So I'm dosing myself with L-Lysine every day and swabbing down my mouth with tea tree (antifungal) in addition to the twice daily metronidazole gel and it's kind of making me want to hide myself away from everything and everyone until it calms the fuck down.

In two minds as to whether the delicious, delicious doughnuts were actually worth this.

 

Oh it SUCKS to have food related health issues that get that bad.
If you ever come near my place I might try to find a glutenfree donut recipe (that isn't, uh... kind of gross because some glutenfree stuff tends to be horrible? But it will be tested!) and make you all the glorious baked goods that you can actually eat because that sucks and is really horrible and everyone should be able to enjoy donuts :(

 

@IvyLB Yeah, I was pretty annoyed that after all my hard work in recovery, I actually ended up with a long list of trigger foods! And having nice food is one of my things - I like eating, I like cooking and baking and being social and it's really put a hard dent in my life, being one of those irritating beings who scrutinize every damn thing that goes in their mouth, and even the washing up liquid the dishes are washed in (citrus is another trigger food, fml.)

Luckily I like baking, when I have spoons, and have a good recipe for gluten-free Victoria Sponge and another for flourless chocolate cake if I need a sweet fix. But I totally miss cheesecake and ramen and doughnuts and proper crusty bread. I tried making GF baked doughnut holes once, and once they were rolled in cinnamon sugar they were passable, if a bit cake-y.

 

I have this... thing about making inclusive things for potlucks and such. Idk. I was like that before I got my (mild) lactose intolerance too, so it's not because of that but I am very diligent about asking everyone if they have food allergies and dietary restrictions before I bring food because I hate making food for everyone and then someone can't enjoy it that makes me sad because it was supposed to be everyone food y'know?
So I have a battery of bookmarks on stuff like glutenfree alternatives, vegan egg substitutes, what is and isn't halal/kosher, which cheeses are lactose free, some lowcarb recipes and so on.
And I know a lot of people don't do that! But I guess I would like to know.... why? I always have trouble getting people to list all ingrediences of their stuff at potlucks and that can be really dangerous! It's not even like they have to know it by heart, I take a tiny reference card with me if I bring food to places.

 

@IvyLB

You are a hero.

But people who don't have allergies/food requirements don't usually care or think about it. Sometimes they are aware and try, but mostly they don't get it.

I personally think that if someone has an allergy that can land them in a hospital, it's sort of unfair to expect people to cater for it, because untrained people aren't very good about stuff like cross-contamination and so forth.

I was in a situation at a larp where we had to make food for 20 people, some of whom had conflicting allergies, and it was quite stressful especially as the game masters did not help us at all besides giving us the food to make it.

I personally also have a mild lactose intolerance, but I don't expect people to take it into account, because I can just as well not go to their party or I can bring my own snacks. But I am a person who doesn't want to cause hassle to people, so I might not be the best person to poll on this.

 

No I get not wanting to make a hassle. I usually don't want to make a hassle either! It's just if I forget my meds and I ask someone 'Is there any milk product in here?' and I get back 'Haha, oh I can't remember that!', or better yet, 'What no, just butter' I just kind of *eyetwitch*
Less at parties or potlucks though and more at stores. I... may be spoiled in that there is ingredients lists on all packaged foods here, while not on the unpackaged stuff.
'I don't know if any of this is vegan', from a hipster-y coffee shop in the middle of the university campus usually means a shop ain't very attached to their profit.

 

Story time! For a short time I was duty manager of a local coffee shop. I took an order for a vegetarian meal and then, while checking the kitchen, found the server prepping it on the GOD DAMNED MEAT BOARD which was used for poultry. I hit the roof - made her remake it and apologised to the customer for the delay, giving a goodwill refund on their drink. The server could NOT understand why I was so pissed. After all, the customer wasn't going to know! Why was it such a big deal?!

I kind of feel disappointed when deli staff don't know the allergens in their products but that's probably me having been obsessive about product knowledge as a fishmonger/butcher/cheesemonger (job description kind of expanded as time went on.)