Weight, health, food, and bodies [TW]

yeah ellipticals are really weird. (weird question: How tall are you? I have this suspicion that ellipticles are designed for taller people because they fuck up my entire leg posture and make my knees do the creaky-misaligned-door-hinge!feeling :/ )
is it feasible to get a doctor (ideally one you trust not to do the 'you just need to lose weight' thing without actual reasons) to take a look at the knee? idk i find joint stuff a bit concerning a lot of the time because my stuff was only caught early because my mom was hyper vigilant about symptoms showing up since we have a lot of genetic predisposition towards rheumatic bull crap :I
In the meantime can you get one of those fabric knee braces for when you have to do more exhausting stuff? they help a lot to prevent unnecessary pain!

 

@Aniseed you're very welcome! There's SO much awful, shamey stuff out there, so I'm happy to guide people to the stuff that's actually helpful and focuses on health instead of thinness. If/when you go looking for other resources, seeing if it's HAES friendly - that's Health At Every Size - can help you steer clear of the shaming bullshit.

Also, even more sympathy on the knee thing - that's a problem I have, feeling like my kneecap is going to slide out of place! If you can find a non-shamey doctor to look at it, that might be a good idea; if it's something like a luxating patella, like what I have, there are special considerations to take into account.

I've heard good things about recumbent ellipticals w/r/t joints, but you'd have to find one to try it.

 

@IvyLB I'm about 5'2". I agree with you that I think that ellipticals have taller people in mind.. the arm parts are also a struggle for me, they're too high up/out to the side.

I do need to go to the doctor for honestly a variety of reasons, but I haven't been to one in a good 7+ years and am in a new area so it's going to be a toss up about whether or not I'm going to be scolded for being fat and have everything blamed on that without anything else being checked. :/

@Mercury We'll likely be moving soon and I figure after that point I'll look into gyms in the area. They might have recumbent ellipticals, or even something with a swimming pool would be awesome. I like swimming and it doesn't hurt me, I'd really like to try out water aerobics.

 

@Aniseed Aaah I hope you can find a swimming pool to go to! Swimming is so great because it's fun and even when your body isn't doing so well you can get a really good workout in, and all that water resistance builds up strength fast - even if you can only doggy paddle, like me. XD

 

Fuckdammit I knew Doctor Appointment for Thyroid Fuckery would cause a freakout but I did not expect it to be about my weight shit fucking fuck. Someone please reemphasize that BMI is utter bunk and that a 5lb calibration difference between scale types is nothing?!

I THOUGHT I WAS HEALTHY FUCKDAMMIT

 

It's bullshit, and 5lbs is practically nothing if you're an adult and not underweight.

 

Thank you.

 

Definitely totally bullshit, your doctor's being an ass.

 

It's not even the doctor, unless you count the nurse being super casual with the slidy-thingy on the scale. It's just. 3 days ago MY scale said 155. Theirs says 161. That's just over the "Not Healthy" line for my height. That's heavier than I've been all year.

I'm attempting to remind the brain weasels that I have huge cans and am actively cultivating Calves & Thighs of Steel and we all know my thyroid is fucking around with my metabolism so calm the fuck down.

 

i have literally seen a five pound change in my weight depending on whether i biked to work the day before. (woo water retention)

 

No joke I am sitting here in the office alone actively flexing and then squeezing my calves. They're like rocks. It helps.

Also: Doc says "Oh God, no. Ignore our scale, it's terrible, it's late in the afternoon, you're fine"

AND: *drumroll*

IT'S HASHIMOTO'S! *kazoo*

 

5 lbs in an adult could literally be the difference of a few large dumps, or a bit of water weight. No doctor in their right mind would raise an issue about it, and I'm glad yours didn't.

 

Argh, I noticed I've been losing weight and my brain wants to see this as yay positive even though it's not, it's because I've been too tired/stressed/depressed to eat much for the past few weeks.

brain why

 

Spoiler: Spoiler because I want to. Disordered-ish eating within.

Not totally 100% on topic, but I am full of start-of-term anxiety right now. I'd forgotten that when I'm anxious I have huge difficulty not finishing food. E.g. I bought a bar of chocolate earlier: I've eaten nearly the whole thing. I didn't want it, I just couldn't leave it unfinished. I made two portions of pasta for lunch so I could keep one for later. I didn't leave enough for a meal and kept on eating it because somehow the fact that the leftovers didn't fill a tupperware meant that I had to finish it all then. I'm actually kind of proud that I managed to defuse the situation by just binning it, though. (...after eating more than I wanted.) Waste of food, but better for my mental health.

Me @me:

 

Shit, I...just had one of those moments where you realise that your brain's been drifting gently away from what you consider "normal" for a few days and you've only just noticed that your food anxiety levels have reached "batshit". Er. When did that happen.

I've got tons of independent study just now, my grandfather's stone setting next week, and all my singing work is entirely about death atm because of the time of year. (All Souls', Remembrance Day, etc.) I've got an audition and a bunch of extra gigs which my boss is totally failing to communicate with me about. I am slightly stressed. I've been snacking more than usual and going to drinks receptions where there's lots of crisps and nuts and nothing else. My brain is saying to me: "you're eating too much salt. You're going to die of high blood pressure. Remember you had a text about a BP check from the uni nurse out of the blue? That's because you're going to die of high blood pressure. You've had a lot of crisps and wine, and you had popcorn this morning, you shouldn't bother with dinner tonight. Have a latte at the library instead, that's probably okay. Ooh, hazelnut syrup! Oh, btw, you're definitely going to get diabetes and die."

At least I'm not worried about carcinogens, right?

 

@EulersBidentity fistbump of major food neurosis solidarity. :'(

 

@EulersBidentity if it helps, try treating that voice in the back of your head like the conspiracy theorist relative. "mhm, yeah, ok, those are words coming out of your mouth all right." it doesn't always work for me, but when it does it helps put into perspective just how out of touch my anxiety logic is.

 

At least you noticed on your own! It takes me forever to notice, I usually have to ask Husband if I've been acting "Off". I have yet to get him to explictily say something if he notices before I do, but he's starting to.

Also I am very fond of the "personify the intrusive thought voice/malfunctioning body part/etc" method.

 

It's a good shout, I'll try that.

The other problem is that feeling anxious about food makes me anxious. -_____- I just need to carry on through the next couple of weeks. I'll feel more like myself once the external stressors go away.

Edit: but srsly, why do I have a blood pressure check. Why didn't my doctor tell me that I had to have a blood pressure check. Is this standard procedure. What is going on, I feel so out of the loop.

 

why not call the uni health centre and ask about the bp check? then at least you'll know and won't be pulling out all the possible worst case scenarios.

eta: also, sympathy high-five from another member of club "gets anxious from anxiety about X"