So as those of you who know me pretty much at all know, I am terrified of fucking up in even the most minor of ways. This is because I have...well, basically I apply impossible standards to myself, and to literally no one else. Now, here's the thing. I talked about it with my therapist on Friday, and we both kinda assumed it was a trauma thing...except my mom later told me, when I told her how the appointment went, that I've always been like that. She told me that even as a toddler I'd cry and panic and worry about Consequences for things like spilling a cup of juice--like, REALLY minor things that my parents actually weren't even slightly upset by. This continues to this day. I forget to text someone back? Shit, I must be the worst friend/girlfriend/daughter ever despite all evidence to the contrary! I break a plate? Oh no, my mom is gonna be so upset even though logically I know she'll be slightly sad about the plate breaking at MOST and won't blame me for dropping it! And of course, it's not just over minor things like that. Like I said, my standards for myself are literally impossible--I need a job and a degree and universal adoration (or at least universal not-hate) and for no one to ever be disappointed in me. So two questions: 1. What do you think is responsible for this? (Note that, as I said, it's a lifelong thing.) 2. What are some coping tips?
I know this feel! Or at least a similar one? Ive been trying to figure out whats causing it for like, forever. It makes no sense! Im constantly feeling like shit over things i know are not a big deal because "its only bad when i do it" or something. Trauma may have exacerbated things but my mom says ive always been obsessive about things like rules and minor slip ups, especially my own. My kindergarten teacher even told me to stop being a tattletale once. Could possibly be related to spergyness and trying to gain control over my environment at an early age so i could have some semblance of an understanding of it? I do that to some degree to this day, because if you can find the rules you can follow the rules and things go way smoother for everyone. Or something?
I have this exact thing Stop being me More seriously, you may benefit from the things I've been told regarding perfectionism, the first of which is that it's impossible to be perfect. Literally no one can be. Trying your best is good, and if you make a mistake, you can work to fix it. But accidents, like dropping something or forgetting to text someone, happen. Everyone makes mistakes. And most people understand this and can forgive mistakes when they happen. If you do everything in your power correctly and things still go wrong, it's not your fault. And your friends and people who truly care about you don't want to punish you for your mistakes, or see you beat yourself up. They want to see you get better. It's okay. You're gonna be fine.
Thanks, TN. It honestly helps a lot hearing that...hopefully I can actually internalize it eventually.
