Weird Question(s) About Kintsugi

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by unknownanonymous, Apr 14, 2015.


Non-seebs followers and people that invited friends to Kintsugi, how'd it go?

  1. Awesome!

    4 vote(s)
  2. A bit better than good

    2 vote(s)
  3. Good

    2 vote(s)
  4. A bit worse than good

    1 vote(s)
  5. Horrible!

    0 vote(s)
  1. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    I think I probably look up to Seebs (et al) more than maybe I should? And then I decided that I don't really care because I like their view points. :P

    Also I found you guys during a faith crisis and it was really cool to be able to see that social justice stuff and Christianity can mesh really well and I think that was really important for me to see. (Also you would think this would be obvious, but UGH)

    I might've been intimidated by Seebs at first? But these days, I mostly treat them like the cool uncle I can talk/listen to for hours.
    • Like x 3
  2. Starcrossedsky

    Starcrossedsky Burn and Refine

    For data points, I referred someone to the forum but they haven't actually joined or seemingly shown any interest in it, so. I think that counts as not working in that case, because they honestly really need it.

    For myself, I'm a longtime seebsian and have always considered that circle to be a breath of fresh air and honesty on tumblr, especially when some of my other friends are... kind of deep in the SJ pit, honestly, which just goes to show that not even the brainweirds make you completely immune to it.
    • Like x 1
  3. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    i know that feel. i thought this forum might be really helpful to the person i was trying to invite, but I ended conveying it pretty horribly when i told them about this forum. as in, they thought i was expecting them to care more about what i did off tumblr than they actually did. then again, 'cause i explained that i was worried about what this site would make them think of me (fucking tumblr got me all scared, even when i don't need to be, basically, of everyone on tumblr, regardless of whether i like them or not, haha), and they ended focusing more on that than, well, that i thought it might help and be cool for them.

    and yes, i was anxious 'cause i cared about their good opinion of me and tumblr had left me scared of what happens when people from there find about your dissenting opinions but... that was not all that was going om, really. and yeah, i just generally fucked the intro up 'cause i did shit they were uncomfortable with. shit i am trying hard to not do again to them.

    but i think we're still on relatively good terms. they'd have told me if we weren't, thank god!

    (we both consider Honesty to be no. 1 principle in keeping our relationship unfucked. and yeah, kintsugi means a lot to me, so i felt like it's definitely a thing to tell them about, if i'm trying to be honest, as well as being a site that could help them. though they have said that they really don't see why they should care - that, like, kintsugi is my private stuff as far as they are concerned and that it would be possessive for them to look at it or express what they think of what i say here. which, no, i fucking deliberately told them about it, exposed my kintsugi identity to them, 'cause i felt like i could trust them with it (i mean, sure, i was anxious about them as a User of Tumblr but that was my irrational fear side talking) and like i wanted them to be able to read what i said on here, what i said away from the Blue Hellhole. i thought it'd help us be closer or something. goddamn.)

    @albedo (we were kinda talking about this before, so maybe... i dunno)
  4. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I'd probably say "I think you should care because the community is interesting to me and I think it would be really cool of you to come talk to me there because I feel safer there than I do on tumblr" or something like that. Or just go directly for "I didn't tell you about it because I thought you were snooping and would demand to know, I told you about it because I wanted you to see it."
    • Like x 1
  5. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    @seebs thanks! i'm literally kicking myself for not being able to phrase it that well! like, yeah, when i told them about it, i ended up doing it as me apologizing for what i thought might be Vagueblogging on here (they are against vagueblogging, it really unsettles them) and talking about how i asked this question 'cause i was worried they'd be like a typical tumblr user and flip out about Kintsugi's criticism of social justice, as well as trying to explain how good i think kintsugi is. which was a bad combo but...

    that and when they read my invitation/apology, they were unsettled by how i was reading way back in their blog in attempt to reassure myself about what their possible reaction would be by learning more about, like, their views on social justice. (fuck maybe i could've just asked but i don't know how'd I'd have made that come off as not awkward or Inquistion like). and 'cause that creeped them out, i promised to stop. and i did.

    and they didn't want me to respond to practically all of their posts, especially not their negatives ones, so i stopped doing that too. they didn't mean stop responding to their posts entirely, so i didn't do that (i mean, currently i haven't found anything that i thought it'd be able to respond to well and that wasn't negative so... as of now, no talking.)

    so yeah, that's what happened and that's what i'm doing. trying to respect their boundaries, even if i don't fully get what they're about.

    also they said they don't like talking and don't need people saying stuff in response to them in order to make them feel better or validate them, so that might be a point against kintsugi.

    but even then, i still think kintsugi could help them get away from their abusive family. you know, couches to crash on and so on? like, that'd be a good option for them to be able to have. and if i don't at least try to help make that option available in some way, even if they don't take it, i'll feel guilty. and like, i've known about that for years, ever since Version 1.0 of our relationship, and it's always made me sad. i might be able to do something, indirectly, about it with kintsugi and if i can do it, i feel like i morally should try - though yeah, if they're like, "no," i'll back off.

  6. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Well, if they have abusive people, and they want second-opinions or reality checks, we're pretty good for that, or they can do the luddite thing and send asks.
    • Like x 2
  7. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    @seebs yep. though as noted, talking is not their thing. or at least that's how interpreted what they said. and yeah, wouldn't kintsugi be pretty ineffective or whatever for someone who gets very stressed with the talking thing like that and doesn't want people they aren't currently close with talking to them about their problems? *sigh*

    but yeah, backing off and generally respecting their boundaries seems like the best thing i can do right now, so that's what i'm doing. if i bring up kintsugi again with them, i don't think it'll be, like, immediately - instead, it'll be when/if we're more comfortable in our relationship.
  8. BPD anon

    BPD anon Here I sit, broken hearted

    Seebs feels super un-intimidating to me. She's not mean and it looks like when she says something, she means it and isn't trying to either sugarcoat it or make it mean depending on how much she likes the person on the receiving end, which is comforting somehow.

    Luka, on the other hand, seems really intimidating. I contacted him a few times and I'm always terrified I'll accidentally cross a boundary and get the full brunt of Luka fury thrown at me. What if I get labelled a forever creep by a person I look up to?
    • Like x 2
  9. ADigitalMagician

    ADigitalMagician The Ranty Tranny

    I invite people to check out kintsugi, it seems to go well.

    I am a seebs follower, though, so the other question doesn't apply to me.

    In terms of Seebs intimidation factor: I totally find Seebs intimidating, but generally that's my default state for people I like. Ask @Chiomi.
    • Like x 3
  10. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    I also have invited people to kintsugi but I don't think any of them have joined. I also haven't asked what their un would be in case they want to be anon.
    I definitely have some friends who could use the "is this abuse" forum. xP
    • Like x 2
  11. Raire

    Raire Turquoise Helicoid

    I've bugged my moirail into joining until she did, since I really, really felt (still do) that it has perspectives and people with experience that will help her with some topics more than I can, and that it would be soothing to find a community of people who have lived similar stuff to what she has (thank god for the "Is this abuse?" forum and troubleshooting). I am pretty happy with it so far :D

    Regarding intimidation: I used to be intimidated by the named three a lot when I started following Jesse, but pretty soon lost the fear of Jesse because Jesse is sweet and does his own thing. VD still intimidates me in some ways, but usually not on a daily basis, but he isn't someone I really interact with. It's a mix of vicarious "go you!" and also "ok Imma hide now".

    Seebs, you used to intimidate me because a lot of you does project Authority, but also Authority with power of people I admire who are also smart and logical. On the other hand, as I grew to know you more and notice how you restrict the word fire, it made me feel safe. Now it is a bit more of "authority I trust in and sometimes feel vaguely protected by association", to the point I often have to troubleshoot myself into checking things and thinking about the words rather than just going on some instinct "Seebs said so therefore very likely true".

    I do feel niggling uncomfortable about the lack of empathy, but I have two more friends who have that to a lesser level, and we never have problems thanks to mutual respect. It's like, "this is something my instinct says is Wrong, but on the other hand, evidence provides that they're doing an awesome job and are a generally good person". With the other friends, it helps that I basically listened a lot and kind of "got" their point of view or perspective. So it is a muddle of things. But I can see how someone would be intimidated by Seebs.
    • Like x 3
  12. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Yeah, the lack of empathy is sort of scary. (And, of course, if people are scared of me, I am happy and giggly because I like it when people are afraid of me. Except that it's inconvenient. But I still sorta like it.) And it does occasionally result in me hurting people, sometimes unintentionally, or just in circumstances where most people wouldn't, but it's not always harmful. It offers interesting tradeoffs.
  13. Starcrossedsky

    Starcrossedsky Burn and Refine

    - Wow, I feel like the oddball, I'm not much intimidated by Luka at all. Though I only rarely get intimidated by people in general, so there's that, I guess - in order to really intimidate me you have to actually have some kind of power over me, which. Very few people in the internet do.
    • Like x 2
  14. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    Good for you, and I´m saying this without malice or sarcasm. Being easily intimidated is not a fun lifestyle, so this is a good kind of being an oddball.
    • Like x 1
  15. anon person

    anon person actually a cat

    i'm not terribly intimidated by seebs, because, uh. for some reason my brain has decided that seebs is me on hardcore. part of it probably has to do with the fact that i can read seebs' posts on any given subject without ever going "ugh, can't you logic, why don't people understand how to reason. also, why are there emotions everywhere."

    but i tend to go anonymous because of generally unpleasant anxious feelings that show up for unknown reasons when i consider the alternative. this has less to do with seebs and more to do with fear of public speaking and people knowing what i (read: my internet identity) think about things.
    • Like x 1
  16. kmoss

    kmoss whoops

    Yeah, I'm not really all that intimidated by any of them, because, really, if I piss anyone off, then I could apologize, or I could take a break from the computer, or I could explain my thought process. I don't have an issue with any of those.

    The reason why I prefer writing things is that I've somehow managed to avoid getting writing as tangled up in my ego. When I have verbal discussions, sometimes I do have a problem with taking things personally, though I'm working on that. But when I'm writing, everything sounds pretty clear and logical, and I'm not going to stutter or forget words (and if I do, I have the time to find a different word). And so a lot of the people getting into arguments online are just, really interesting to watch and see what they do, because it's someone who is, apparently, taking what they say really seriously for the rest of their life, and I just find that really funny.

    And for this reason, I think, Luka doesn't really intimidate me all that much. And also I like his "lightning pole of the internet" analogy.
    • Like x 1
  17. Silvereye

    Silvereye 89 White Paladin Traverses The Cosmos

    I invited a friend, seems to be working out for them. Thinking of also inviting my younger brother, because he might need more people who are not batshit crazy in his life.

    I was slightly intimidated by Seebs when I started reading her blog, because oh noes Forceful Authority (it doesn't really take much for authorities to intimidate me in the beginning). But I've realized that Seebs-as-person is probably not that scary. Lack of empathy is a bit uneasy, but she has decided that hurting people is a bad idea. Her tumblr is empirical evidence she's actually pretty good at helping them. My tenure as part of the Dark And Troubled Past Anons has proven that even further. At this point I'm kind of like "what's the worst Seebs would do to me? Demolish my standpoint in an argument with logic and citations? I could handle that."
    • Like x 1
  18. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    It is entirely possible I could really fuck you up, but I can't see why I'd want to, so. :P
  19. Lissiel

    Lissiel Dreaming dead

    You know in the second silent hill movie, how pyramid head is super fuckin terrifying until you realize that hes actually protecting Sharon and defending her from the other monsters? Thats pretty much my impression of seebs.
    • Like x 4
  20. Lib

    Lib Well-Known Member

    I am amused by the talk of lack of empathy being somewhat scary, because I have super glitchy empathy (that is, the involuntary sort which is what people seem to refer to, rather than the sort that is 'okay, I will decide to care about this because you matter'), and my wife lacks it altogether, so honestly I find people who have functioning involuntary empathy and thus rely on it more rather more intimidating/worrying.

    I am also a non-seebs person, but cautiously investigating the forum to see if it's a place I can be. (Also rather more of an angry sj person than probably most here, but don't worry, I can tell when it's not appropriate to voice that. :P) I like the idea of places to discuss brainweird and stuff, or just to discuss Things In General with more brainweird/diverse people, etc (so that, for example, I can mention something related to disability or whatever without suddenly making the Whole Conversation about it) .
    • Like x 5
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