What are your fan fiction gripes?

I'm more concerned about the guy who apparently experienced a second puberty while sucking on a tittie

 

I always wonder about that award because I’m pretty sure every year that some of the passages show intentionally bad sex, more meant to disgust, horrify, or amuse than titillate.

but there’s always ones that were clearly trying to be sexy and missed the mark by like a couple miles, and that makes it worth it

 

I know at least a few times they've disqualified quotes because they decided the effect was intentional.

 

Spoiler: bluh bluh Hydra has firm opinions about Supernatural characters

There's a metric butt ton of Supernatural highschool AUs where Dean's a rich asshole bully who torments poor lonely nerd Castiel, and it's just. I dunno, I get that fanworks don't have to parallel canon or whatever, but Cas entered the show pulling shit like threatening to literally send Dean to literal hell for being snippy and disrespectful. He didn't start out a nice dude, and it's fucking baffling to me how this fandom just brushes all his character development aside in favor of, like, generic nice guy Cas, so sweet and nonthreatening and shy. Socially awkward, but in a blushy blushy naive innocent way, not because he's arrogant and abrasive and overly literal. All the interesting edges sanded off, so nobody is ever justified in being angry at him ever. I hate.
I've seen stuff where Dean's jock asshole crowd what that he runs with included people like Uriel and Micheal, and it's just like. Uriel was Cas's partner. Micheal was Cas's boss until he jumped ship, cause he liked Dean and humanity in general and figured out that the whole shitty apocalypse agenda wasn't really something he was morally okay with. I dunno, it's real petty, but I hate it. It feels like folks are switching around all these canon elements to justify a really shallow, boring read on these characters.

 

Wouldn't Cas fit the "rich asshole bully" dynamic much better? Admittedly I haven't seen a lot of Supernatural, but the Winchesters struck me as fairly low class working poor in practice and aesthetic, if not reality, and Cas is like. A literal angel. With a stick up his ass. For the first section of the series at least?

That's such a weird reversal...

 

oh god it's been so long but yeah that's exactly it. the winchesters were poor and still are, like... they dont exactly have an income, they dont have a permanent place of residence, all that good stuff. iirc werent there a few times dean has said he went to bed hungry for sam's sake, especially when their dad was on a job?

cas to start out with definitely would fit the rich asshole bully trope more than dean would. but neither of them fit "uwu shy soft boy" either, because dean is also an asshole and for the first... quite a while, actually, of being together, they are assholes to each other. cas is also blunt as fuck and calls dean on his shit a lot.

yeah... those two dont fit the jock/nerd trope well at all

 

Dean got arrested when he was a teenager for stealing bread and peanut butter while his dad was out on a job, so, yeah, food insecurity growing up is an explicit thing in canon.

 

Going through my Tumblr and saving stuff I actually want to keep to a sideblog for exporting, and found this quote from a friend which applies to a lot of fanfic:

 

Oh dear. I also found a description of the writer Skysaber, and I cannot stop laughing:

 

I thought it at least seemed faster, safer, and more fuel efficient than catching a lift to Jupiter with HAL.

 

I'm in a biggish fandom again for the first time in years, and I had forgotten how much smut fics giving the characters safewords for things they really really don't need safewords for grinds my gears. Safewords are not universally necessary for safe sex, guys!

 

vanilla blowjob safeword GO

 

depends, who's the one saying the safe word

 

Not every time hair sticks up is “gravity defying.” please, cowlicks are real fucking things not lies made up by big anime

 

And like also. Sometimes characters style their hair. In canon, even! We in real life can achieve *looks at notes* messy hair.

 

The plot is great! The porn is boring.

 

I just can't get over the fic I read a while ago that had the main character ordering tea at a bar and telling the bartender to put milk in, but not stir it, like ??? What do you expect to happen here?

Also, a bar?

 

?????

 

Clearly they just really like watching the billowy clouds when milk mixes in by itself. -nodnod-

 

i mean that's a mood.
Pretty sure I never use a spoon to mix milk into tea. I just let it do its thing. osmosis jones it, as the kids say*

(* i'm aware that osmosis jones is an ancient movie by today's standards, and also that osmosis does not actually describe molecular dispersion in absence of a semi-permeable membrane.)