And however tiny they are in proportion a real European river otter is three feet long head to tail and definitely couldn't fuck a mouse, not that it wouldn't try, which is brain-bending enough. I know the ficcer meant for them to be human-sized, but I always preferred animal-size because it's cute, and that does not combine well. Related gripe; the constant temptation to try writing Rule 34 for childhood special interest because all the existing ones are so very very bad, warring constantly with shame and the fear that mine would be just as bad.
Related rant; characters who stick important parts of their bodies into the mouths of other characters who have a) no desire to have those parts there, b) nothing to lose if they decide not to let those parts be there, and c) teeth evolved for the purpose of shredding wood and/or shattering bone.
Writers (okay one writer) who apparently does not know what clitorises are. I say this because in a first time "show me yours I'll show you mine" xeno fic, human female character kind of skips past the clit, saying only that it was "kind of sensitive," and directing troll male character directly to the vagina and the "G-spot" which I am not sure is actually a thing. While I really like the writer, I absolutely cannot read this particular fic for this reason. It just...does not compute.
Commenters who fail to comprehend gentle hints that their constant overwhelming hostility toward a character is grating on the writer's delicate nerves and they should perhaps stop being so negative about the character who isn't being written the way they seem to think he is. (This has happened to me a few times. It is very ARGH.)
The most recent case is in my fic Safety Dance, which is a Homestuck fan fic of a fanfic, Endangered by Mortior. Endangered is a robot apocalypse au and AR/Lil Hal is a murderbot who ends up in a relationship with Dirk, and ends up questioning his purpose and eventually destroys the robo empress and calls off the destruction of the human race because this will make Dirk happy, yes? Safety Dance is an au where Dave (Beta) gets a crush on Dirk, which causes AR to be very upset, then eventually, very curious, and he decides to explore human romantic courting behaviors which results in double dates and AR being in cahoots with Jade. So that's the synopsis. I have a commenter who insists on being very negative and hostile toward AR...who despite being a murderbot who STILL doesn't like humans except for Dirk and Roxy, is doing his level best (in his weird inhuman way) of making an ideal environment for both androids and humans. AR is obviously the bad guy. AR is sinister and manipulative and evil. AR is basically terrible and the commenter wants to blow AR up because AR is horrible. AR is obviously the villain of the story and so on. I have suggested that if the commenter is triggered by AR, they should stop reading. I have pointed out that the story I am telling is not the one they are apparently reading. I have pointed out that my characterization is based off the ending of Endangered, where AR is anxious and eager to impress his boyfriend with all the stuff he's doing to Fix Everything, not the beginning of Endangered, where AR is much more hostile. I have stated that I do not like it when characters I'm writing are being attacked, even if they are trashbaby dangerbots. (I am hoping I've gotten through to them this time around.)
The G-spot is a thing. Just not for everyone, and very damn few would go straight there. The clit's like an iceberg, most of it is beneath the surface, and for some people the organ can be stimulated to great effect that way "from behind".
I don't necessarily mind issue-fics as such. I can see the wish-fulfillment value of, say, having your fave come out as X identity and be accepted or whatever. Not necessarily my idea of an interesting read, but that's what the back button is for. But for some reason it drives me crazy when the characters are constantly using the approved terminology for everything, even when they live in a fantasyland that has no reason to have developed the same exact understanding? Like, I like "$CHARACTER is autistic" fics, but I can't stand it when they use the word "stimming". And my eyes rolled so hard they about fell out when I read about a fantasy world character- one who doesn't usually words very good, at that- helpfully explaining to a questioning kid all the words for trans stuff.
I brought up that exact problem when I said it was tempting to write fics involving identity issues in my fandom, but they couldn't possibly know the terminology and modern AUs are pretty much impossible because of the massive time-span of the series which involves the same character appearing as a baby in one book and an elderly person in the next on numerous overlapping occasions so they'd have to cover about a thousand years. Hey, that's another gripe. Which character, if I may ask?
Here's the fic; the Encyclopedia Moment was extra jarring because it mostly has the voices down pretty well!
Ugh, yes. Issue fics where they instantaneously (or nearly so) use the current Not Problematic terminology can be fucking fantastically written other tham that, but I won't know, because it's jarring and awkward. And I don't feel bad about it, because that is bad writing if their ease isn't explained. An author who does that is either so bad at character voice that they shove those wordings in characters' mouths regardless of their own ways of speaking and thinking, or they're so concerned about portraying problematic things that they probably sacrifice characterization in other ways too.
tbh for me thinking about how characters would actually approach and talk about such stuff is pretty fun? Idk it can be an interesting challenge (not that I've finished anything where it's relevant, but I've enjoyed it in preplanning lol). So the notion that someone would just dump modern up to the minute verbiage in there is kinda disappointing. Like I understand why people do that. But. Don't deprive yourself of the puzzle, people!
@Astrodynamicist @palindromordnilap Yep, 'tis. I want a modern AU but the timeline makes it impossible >:( Another gripe; suddenly something shocking is dropped into the fic with complete fucking randomness and then it never appears again. See, sometimes this can actually be funny or clever, but a lot of the time it isn't and it feels like a brick to the face. There was the unicorn incident, and there were some particularly hilarious entry on fanficrants back when it was fun about this. Spoiler: extreme squicks One was the time three twelve-year-old characters suddenly had a threesome and one shot another in the head halfway through for flimsy reasons. Then there was the one about a fic which warned solely for "rape", turned out to be an exceptionally violent gang-rape which fortunately the complaining reader was happy with, but then in the middle of it there was a line about a dog mounting the guy and the dog promptly disappeared after that one line so it was kind of pointless even having it there.
Well I do. Not so much after "hi" but after other things, like when I use someone's name in the context of an entire sentence directed at them.
