Somehow furry marsupials never end up with actual marsupial junk, even though they often get pouches.
Even consensual oral sex is tricky with an obligate carnivore. It is basically not advisable to attempt to 69 with an obligate carnivore or to fuck one while she's going down on someone else. You don't really want to accidentally thrust her forward or give her a mind-blowing orgasm while she's got your dick or the dick of someone else you like in her mouth. Carnivorous dentition, rough tongue and ridged upper palate means: if you want the lady to blow you, you lie back and let her do it, and you don't distract her or let anyone else distract her. IDK about anyone else but my G-spot's a thing.
Species who aren't obligate carnivores have their own problems. Rodent front teeth would probably get in the way of getting anything in their mouths at all and, as I said, can shred wood (and rats can shred concrete). A lot of herbivores have really powerful crushing teeth, which might be even worse. Birds, yeah, obvious problem.
Do you know how long and how hard I thought before allowing Ford to describe himself as pandemisexual--back when WT was still a shitposting rave and it didn't even much matter? Ford adores long, complex words with precise meanings but where would he have heard this, having been away from Earth and presumably not speaking much English to anyone between 1982 and 2012? I eventually decided he heard the words from Mabel, who at some point had to have asked him about his romantic life because...she's Mabel, and if she's talking to you about the 30 years you were gone from the planet, that's not gonna not come up. And also Mabel has almost certainly been illegally on Tumblr and Ravelry since she was 10 or 11. Because not talking about sex and sexuality just was not an option with Norm around :p This...is true. Most of the xeno I write is about Ford, who in Weirdmageddon Tango is married to a lady of a species that at first glance looks more human than not, although they have kitty ears. (And kitty teeth, and other parts that are more kitty than human as well.) He also has a troll ex and then of course there was the triangle, who shapeshifts but usually not into the fandom blond bishounen trope he's famously associated with. And I read furry stuff about thylacines when it isn't stupid af. (Don't write about yiffing a thylacine or try to draw sexy thylacines if marsupial junk doesn't appeal to you, people. It doesn't especially appeal to me either, but thylacines are a Special Interest and when they have human junk it's just too weird for me. It's like giving chickens teeth. Both biological sexes have pouches, this should be your first clue that their reproductive systems are going to be weird.) But yes, ugh. Crushing teeth, rodent front teeth, beaks... It had not previously occurred to me that anyone would attempt even in fiction to write about orally raping a person whose mouth is just THAT dick-unfriendly. Sheesh. Also I forgot to tell you your comment about human sized rats with rat-proportional ratballs cracked me up, because holy shit ratballs. I cannot personally imagine finding ratballs sexy because they are so silly, also I'd like to think that the proportions would change if a rat were the size of a human. Because rat-proportioned ratballs would make WALKING problematic. Think about those shows on TLC about people with scrotal lymphedema who can't like, wear pants properly or walk properly. That's what it would look like.
One case had the perpetrator telling the rodent in question that if he bit he would "still" kill him. Is it just me or is that not much of an incentive? Ring- or spider-gags would solve at least part of the problem, or in the case of a rodent one might do better to hold their mouth shut and fuck the diastema if you don't mind an awkward angle, but nobody ever thinks of that. Also, throat-fucking is pretty much impossible if the receiver has a snout, and nobody ever remembers that. Heeheehee. When I think of ratballs I always think of the line about Damug Warfang wearing a "short kilt" and the mental image is unfortunate. In kid-lit I tend to prefer animals which are the same size as their real species, so that wouldn't be a problem, but it'd still make walking upright difficult.
i just want to throat fuck animals why must we ruin all that i love and hold dear fine fuck it i'll just go to wishing i was a dolphin so i could fuck the corpses of fish
I am sad that I do not find more corpse fucking that is to my tastes. Or more corpse fucking fics in general. I found this one Meribella fic that involved Merrill fucking Isabella's dead body and I was so happy but it was the only one. THE ONLY ONE. dear fandom i require more necrophilia
I kind of want to see some furry or xeno fic where instead of being impressed a member of a species with proportionally small dicks thinks giant ones look stupid and unwieldy. Fear of pain from them has been done to death, I want awkward laughter.
so, fic author, you're capable of writing a fic 90k words long, but not capable of writing a summary for said fic. ok.
summaries are very hard ok Though I usually force myself to write one because they are sadly necessary. I need to contract that job out to someone...
I think my biggest gripe would probably be using Homestuck chat quirks in prose. Yes I know the comic uses them even when the characters are physically speaking, but I found it grating there too. It just makes it hard to parse and leaves me wondering how "d4v3" is pronounced at all differently from "dave"
Summaries are hard! They are very damned hard, and I generally end up changing mine, several times if necessary, if I can think of a better one. A big part of the hardness is making it both short and interesting.
I do agree that summaries are hard - they're usually the very last thing I write for a fic, and I also have changed mine on occasion. I very much sympathize with those who have trouble writing them... but I also feel like once your fic is novel-length, you should maybe spend some time writing a summary, instead of leaving it completely blank. But then, hey - the fic in question had at least a few hundred kudos, so apparently they were still able to draw in readers. Just not me :P
Super fucking uninformative content tags. "This fic is not apologetic towards [character]" okay so does that just mean you're not woobifying him or does it mean you're depicting him as the source of all evil in the multiverse because
I have read multiple Yuri!!! on Ice fics (hopefully by the same person? idk) where they did Russian dialogue like this: "Разговор в России." (Translation into English) Why. Why would you do this. It's so annoying. I don't know if it's just my fandoms, but I've seen more Russian abuse than other languages, it's weird. Relatedly, when a fic starts out pretty good, I kudos and subscribe, read along, and then it goes off the rails into a hardcore pet peeve and my name is on it internet-forever. >:|
