My workplace apparently knows I'm a loser with nothing better to do on New Year's Eve and asked me to cover the closing shift, so I'm not moping around the house all alone right now
Went to a real New Year's Eve party for the first time in... ... ...uh, a long time. Choir Bro #1's house, which my GPS (which I refer to as GLaDOS) took me to with a minimum of troubles. Choir Bros #2 and #4 were there, other than them and Choir Director and Mr. Choir Director, nobody there knew my girl name so I got called the right name all night. Mrs. Choir Bro #1 likes me. I got home without encountering any significant stupidity from other drivers, although I did have to wait for a drunk dude dancing across the parking lot to dance out of my preferred parking spot at my apartments. Also my raise kicked in today. \o/
Realizing that I hate life entirely too much to try suicide. Yes, life might be entirely awful and definitely suffering and nothing but. There might be nothing after it, better or otherwise. But life is too fucking awful to give it the satisfaction of knowing I gave up. As a sidenote if there is a creator I intend to kick him. They deserve it.
I had so much fun at my internship today :D I forgot how great it can be to work on the children's ward :D
i can't really remember the last time i came across a forum or any other kind of internet community where i just kind of felt instantly at ease like i do here. thats pretty neat.
!!! I got to play helper monkey for an Assembly guy today at work! Was cool! Weird! Looud! V tired. Home now, snow day tomorrow, it's warm and I'm v tired from working hard and not being sad. Good! Good good good.
I have an internship working with computers! literally just computers! software and hardware! I do not! have to deal! with the people! I am so happy!
Got a snail character in Crossy Roads. It leaves a trail behind it!! And doesn't make obnoxious noises or have an ugly jump animation! It just nyooms about!
We've finally begun the exchange part of the house buying process! Should complete 1st Feb. Then I will get to leave the 8ft x 8ft mouldy, freezing cube I currently live in and move in with one of my most favourite people in the world :)
Not a big thing, but. I made a thing! And it looks pretty! And my cold's wearing off finally :D today is a good day, lingering cough notwithstanding.
a few days ago i looked in the mirror and smiled and went "huh. I actually look very nice. People might actually like me and not find me annoying or ugly when i laugh all the time" now everytime i pass the mirror and smile, it makes me feel happy.
I realized that I have an extra day to do my homework, and a friend agreed to do a thing for me that has released sooo much of the stress i had for school and i realized that i care more about doing good than getting a good grade rn so i'm going to let that drive my focus :3
a few! cats were snuggly last night. Peeps at work are v nice and patient with me. a good chunk of them are esl and it's a real loud work environment, so me not talking ain't so big a deal. my hands have finally gotten all rough and junk, which i've been waiting for since last june when i started doing manual labor for a living. feels nice! ate good burger tonight, first my little bro has ever made by himself! Is pretty good right now.
Fixed!! My name (and gender) have officially been changed! Now I just need to go through all the work of getting my documents and so forth changed, too
dealt with some real brain bullshit today (can't remember the last time i felt that anxious for no reason) but i made it! and even accomplished several things as well
The girlf and I succesfully blitzed the hell out of our bedroom and suddenly the bookcase is beautiful instead of an overcroweded dusty mess, and there's like 50% more floor space. And then the sun came out after a series of godawful dreary days. Whee. :)
I am very glad that I sucked it up and had the conversation I just had, because knowing that feelings are mutual is so much better than chewing on my knuckles and ignoring those feelings for fear of making things weird. +
I went out and did a social thing on Saturday afternoon. Met a cute postdoc who works down the hall from my friends. She apologized for going on and on about her research and I was sitting there utterly charmed. Like, "No, go on...I will listen to you talk about semiconductors in your excited voice and adorable accent for LITERALLY AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO TALK."
This week has been fucking intense, but SO emotionally productive. Tuesday in particular. It'll be hard to explain what exactly caused the giant leap in Trauma Processing, so let me just give you guys the before and after. On Monday, the entire city centre of Cambridge was one giant trigger for me. Even when I avoided my old college (which was the biggest trigger of all), I would break down in tears at random just from being there and seeing familiar places and things. Talking or even thinking about my old college would invariably make me cry. In order to enter a nearby building, I actually had to stare at the ground while holding a hand in front of my face to make sure I didn't accidentally look at the college, because I knew I'd fall apart if I saw it. On Wednesday, I walked past the college and smiled. I wandered happily through town, enjoying positive memories of what I was seeing. For the rest of the week I even walked past the college on purpose because it's fucking pretty and I like looking at pretty things. I still cry when I talk about it, but it's happy tears at the progress I've made. :)
One of our resellers just called, a Problem Customer whose shit we do was in their shop throwing his juice box on the floor and screaming about how much he hates the work we've been doing for like... years (the piece in question basically being an exercise in "how do we make the engraving shop people cry?"). Boss asked him if he really needed that customer. After a moment's thought the reseller went "Nope!" and thanked us for putting up with this guy's shit so long and went out to tell him to find someone else to do his stuff. WE'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE
