whatever

I know it can fluctuate a little, but twelve pounds seems like a lot for that, especially since I hadn't eaten anything and had only drunk a little water between times. I guess bodies are weird.

 

Red cabbage is edible, so that's my purple veggies covered, useful for when blackberries aren't in season. They say you're supposed to eat a range of colours, and I'm heavy on the red fruit, which is usually really sweet, so stuff that isn't helps.

 

Cleaned bathroom, washed and am drying my winter-weight duvet.

 

I just accidentally killed a spider :( I hate doing that.

 

Really bad nightmares about being stranded naked and passing-out sick in a shopping centre and about my dead uncle coming back as a snake and biting me for some reason. The latter was in that awful state where I knew it didn't make sense but it felt too real to be a dream :(

 

General weight trend is downward. Good.

 

Wish I could learn to decorate cakes, but everyone I know is low-carb or diabetic.

 

Apparently I've been confusing Sailor Saturn with Kimiko from Dresden Codak. I was under the impression Saturn was a human mind in a doll/robot body, but apparently not.

 

I really don't like how social justice runs on absolutist statements. I hate feeling like a traitor because I think finding the very few members of oppressing groups we can work with and using their help to change the system from the inside is a lot more likely to get results. I understand those members are few and far between, I just don't think they're nonexistent and I think we need them in order to understand the enemy.

I just want the world to be able to do something to fix things which actually works.

 

Why is it the only people I can find who'll state that they don't think violence is a good first option are jerkbag transmeds?

 

Oh, and anti-maskers. Can't forget the anti-maskers.

 

I think @seebs is the only person I've seen who isn't.

 

I need to eat more fish and tofu. They are perfectly edible to me, I'm just used to thinking they weren't so it's hard to remember to want them.

 

My new goal is to lose enough weight to do a Gorelesque exercise channel. One with no obnoxious cheerfully telling the exercises to smile.

 

Up to seven thousand steps today. OW. I can't believe I used to walk this route every week.

 

Dropping blood sugar is a lot harder than I thought :(

 

Nan insists on lecturing me about shit I already know about how blah blah read the label can't have anything over 5% of sugar RDI ever every time I mention my health and I then go out and splurge on more sugar :(

 

I'm very glad I got to go visit her again finally, I just wish she wouldn't do that.

I posted here a couple years ago about the time she lectured me over something trivial until I cried, and I'm pretty sure now that the weird behaviour she was showing around then was related to the cancer she had not long after. Organ cancers can fuck up your body, which fucks up your mood, and she hasn't done anything like that since she got it treated. She's doing really well health-wise now and we haven't discussed that.

 

I think the only way I'm gonna be able to do the sugar dropping is by going totally cold turkey, so I'm gonna finish the sugar stuff I have and talk to my mum and the wellbeing advisor about how to stop myself going out and buying more.

 

Also going to commit to a meat-free day a week.