Writing What You Don't Know: The Assistants

It seems like the thing that makes the most sense to me, tbh? And also, technically, typing out words is actually my normal mode of communication. If you tallied up the amount of words I tend to use daily in a social context, then the amount of words I type as opposed to speaking will come out top probably by several times, at least at where I am currently in my life. So seeing as I do it all the time anyway, it makes no sense for me not to do so in person if the other person preferred it. Heck, tbh I can articulate myself far better when I write things out as it is. So if I ever end up meeting either of you in person feel free to request that we talk via text and show!

 

It's the sort of thing where it strikes me honestly as strange that people are (presumably, no first hand experience) so stubborn in the first place, because it's literally no difficulty whatsoever to whip out some sort of device and start typing.

Society is just like that, I guess. It shouldn't be a surprise, but ye.

 

I have a certain amount of verbal words that I can produce and/or comprehend in a day. After I hit that point, I gotta sleep and eat or you're just noise that I'm sort of interpreting by body language and tone. (Actually, a couple of months ago I realized that the reason things like movies and music and other electronic voices are harder for me to understand is because I actually miss probably a third of what people actually say and compensate by body language and tone. Going to the movies became much more fun when I realized I could ask for accessibility devices.) This means that a) I tend to like lab classes better because I can keep up just reading the textbook and listening to experiment instructions b) I basically have to schedule relationship discussions c) I make other people order for me at restaurants and d) the only reason I'm good at customer service is because I just tune customers out a lot, ngl. I've taught myself and those closest to me some very basic ASL - I'm cold, I'm tired, I'm hungry, I need the bathroom, I need my medicine, I need help, that kind of thing. I should probably do the texting thing more but I just... forget that's a thing a lot.

 

oh gosh I can't do that people might get mad at me then and then they yell and yelling is scary

 

Oh gosh they're great! They used to be a lot less common but now almost every movie theater near me has them. There's two kinds - the nicer movie theater has a pair of glasses that you put on that project subtitles, including effects noise notes, onto them. The other kind that still works just fine is basically a little box on a movable stand that sits in your cup holder and then you put it so you can see it and the screen at once, and it displays those same subtitles. If you go on Fandango, under the movie times where they put like the 3D or standard info it'll say "closed captions" - almost every movie has them now! I was super nervous about asking for them at first, so my bff did it for me, but everyone I've encountered has actually been really nice about it. You'll have to say "hard of hearing devices" or "closed captioning" for them to know what you mean, "accessibility devices" apparently means just the descriptive audio devices to them, but normally you just buy your tickets and then go to guest services and ask.

edit: yeah I just looked and literally every movie that's out now at the theater I go to has closed captioning available. It has changed my movie going life. I don't have to cross-examine everyone else about the dialogue when I leave. I watched Civil War twice, once without the captioning and once with. It wasn't a very dialogue-heavy movie, but it was still so much easier to follow.

 

.....N E E D
I have such bad audio processing disorders that unless you're standing like five inches away from me and talking kinda slowly I can't really process things...

 

I feel you! You should do it, if there's any movies you want to see in theaters. You can bring someone to ask for you, or they've also been understanding about typing on your phone to ask for the devices. Just type something like "I need closed captioning" and show them your ticket.

 

I always go with my dad, and he wouldn't ask for me, so I'll have to type on my phone and show it to them, but then I can get the thing and better enjoy my movies :D

 

(I am not cA but recently was in a situation where writing woulda helped but no one was helping and. Trained in politeness/Not-making--fuss is really hard to break. Getting pushy when already nonverbal is like climbing a mountain on a broken ankle for me.

 

this is best analogy
I can't do pushy when verbal, let alone nonverbal....

 

this is very late but:

• AFAB
• Nonbinary
  • possibly largely non-dysphoric trans but i am very waffly on calling myself this
• Asexual
  • Specifically sex-repulsed aromantic asexual
    • does get sexual urges, has very specific criteria for it, involves no other party (being vague so this doesnt get nsfw)
• Upper-Northern California
  • Shasta county area, because california is like ten different states in itself fucks sake. I live in Redding, specifically. The dam that powers the rest of the state is here, as is the Sacramento River
    • did, in fact, make constant visits to LA, Napa Valley, Sacramento and San Francisco for family vacations. Visited San Diego like once. It was very spanish-influenced compared to further north.
• Having a huge age gap in siblings (10 yrs)
• Culinary skills.
  • I took college courses for it, and am certified (until 2018) to legally be allowed in a commercial kitchen
• left handed
  • and the inevitable graphite pinky
  • sobs
• Moving cross-country in a haphazard manner
  • and subsequently moving back
• i fucking love biology
  • i really fukken love it man
    • i spent an hour determining my oc's blood color based on whether i wanted to use hemerythrin, hemocyanin, or hemoglobin coupled with the pros and cons of adding bile to the system (the answer is his blood color is teal now because science)
      • fuck
• working graveyard shifts in a super store
  • working 'til midnight in a gas station (occasionally working graveyard shifts in a gas station)

the somewhat triggery topics (i am not shy to talk about any of the below)

Spoiler: BBBBBBBBBBBBBB

• Child Abuse
  • Verbal/Mental (mother; later [in adulthood] father)
  • Physical (mother)
  • Sexual, non-penetrating but very handsy
    • bonus: step-father did it
      • further bonus: my step-father is my great uncle (by marriage but still)
      • yes this means my mom married her uncle
      • no i didnt find out until i was in my tens
• Being unmedicated + undiagnosed
  • severe depression
    • relative severity has become "i have already tried several times to kill myself, its tiresome to do, im just going to sleep instead"
      • somehow this is better
  • probably toeing the line of being bpd but not quite there yet
  • suspected ADHD-PI
  • autism?

 

Oh man, I'm gonna write my grumpy sperg wizard doing that. That's just excellent.

 

Most of the always-non-verbal people I meet at the clinic have become a bit reticent to assert themselves by the time they're adults. The sometimes-non-verbal ones do seem to have a "hey, look, I'm having a little trouble here right now and no, you are NOT going to make it worse! *smack*" attitude by their late-twenties.

 

I can't do that D: I guess I've been...mostly-non-verbal since...thirteen? or so? there was a time in high school where I went totally non-verbal, that was....fun. I just. can't do that, though, I can't be like "I am having problems and you are not going to make it worse" and I can't see myself being able to do that. I don't want to bother people, you know? like, it's easier for me to just not talk and go hungry/thirsty/wander off on my own to find things than try and muster up the energy to talk, or expect people to accommodate my needs with allowing me to type things and show them.

 

I actually go nonverbal less than you I suspect, but same hat. The niceness conditioning is hard to push through at the best of times. Possibly worth a dedicated topic of it´s own?

 

oooh, yes! we could call it 'Niceness Conditioning' and talk about our difficulty with it and how to overcome it!
....where should we put it

 

Brains? [add extra letters to taste]

 

thread made!