Writing What You Don't Know: The Assistants

as an oft-bullied AFAB person: girls will pick on you if you don't have the right hair or the right clothes, obviously, and also for hanging out with boys, trying 'too hard' at looking pretty or doing something, not trying 'hard enough' at looking pretty or doing something, being socially awkward, being literal about things, reading a lot, enjoying school, and I think that's all I can think of. admittedly this is early 2000s stuff, but I think some would apply across the board--like the first one. also, the way girls bully is more...subtle. they pick on your clothes, but with backhanded compliments. they tell you you're stupid, or that you don't pay attention enough, and that's about as direct as it gets, outside of tripping you in the hallways once in a while. they'll talk behind your back, spread rumors--that sort of thing.

 

Exclusion is a thing with girls too. They won't punch you or anything, but you're on your own. You don't get invited to things, unless that person wants to uphold appearances. :/

 

I was more late nineties than early nineties, but not having specific fad things like the body spray - it was also the glittery bright plastic hair accessories. Also being too obvious about wanting friends - I was taken advantage of and bullied for being earnest, sincere, and "too needy" a lot.

 

Are you looking for reasons to pick a particular target, or things to bully them over? Because those aren't always the same.

 

Um, things to bully her over. Her understanding of why she's the target comes down to: she's new in town and has no history with her classmates & she's a nerdy weirdo who doesn't know how to fit in at all. That's the easy part. What they actually do, what things they'll get on her case about, that's where I would benefit from the hive-mind.

 

Sounds like needs the point of view of an ex-bully.

 

Neediness is a pretty good "reasoning," for that character archetype. Every overture of friendship will have something wrong with it, even if it's a patently manufactured reason. They also might try to make her win her way into a social group by showing or demonstrating willingness to bully someone outgroup.

 

bullying over neediness seems like a good reason for that character archetype

also, any weakness divulged would also be used against her. if she in a moment of trying to get friends confessed something or said something just a bit too personal it would absolutely be used against her by a cruel kid. i had quite a few bullies in the late 90s/early 00s who would pretend to be friendly-ish to me and then turn on me regularly with anything i had told them or anything i had even talked about around them with actual friendlier people.

 

I got bullied by boys, and what they usually did was find things that mildly annoyed me or pushed at my boundaries and kept doing them over and over and over until I freaked out. Sometimes as a group, in a way that had to have been pre-planned. I was nerdy and neurotic, which made me an easy target for it, and the school would laugh it off because a description of it made me look whiny and thin-skinned.

That and act exactly like Kevin from Steven Universe. They did that a lot too.

EDIT: Also got some equal-opportunity bullying in elementary school because everyone knew I was a year younger than them, I dressed differently at first (I wore a lot of skirts when I first switched grades), and I was friends with a guy, so we'd get followed around at recess by people chanting that "[name] and [name] sitting in a tree" song when all we wanted to do was talk about Redwall.

 

...this is probably a weird question, but, welp, here goes. people who have more experience with flirting than I do: how do? I'm RPing a character who's meant to be quite the pickup artist, and I'm having a lot of fun with her, but also I'm realizing that I have no idea how to write a pickup artist convincingly, mostly because I have no idea how they work. the only flirting techniques I'm proficient in are a) terrible sincere dorky ineptitude and b) the kind of flirting you get in romances, and neither of those are terrifically applicable to this situation. basically I'm asking how you'd go about showing and not telling that someone's a smooth motherfucker who gets all the ladies. also, like, what's the process of propositioning someone without being super creepy about it?

 

OHHHH MY GOSH OKAY SO
...actually I'm not sure how relevant my experience is
I've been told I'm not bad at flirting but the deal is it's really ~situational~
like fr'instance some pickup lines are more acceptable than others, but they also vary by area you're in and how well you know the person? I CAN give you some basic flirt guidelines for Definitively Creepy if that helps any,,,

 

sounds like it would, and really, I'm eager to hear whatever you have to say about flirting. kinda desperate here. :P

 

@esotericPrognosticator @raybot my super quick and dirty guide to flirting:

• most of the time, it's not really about what you're saying, but about how you're acting.
• I have rarely heard a pickup line other than "I enjoyed talking to you, can I have your number" or "do you want to go back to my place" or "we should get coffee sometime" or similar actually used. if I have, it's been an icebreaker - I knew someone who would use ridiculous pickup lines to make people laugh, and if they didn't, he knew they wouldn't like him very much anyway.
• physical flirting things (mostly neurotypical behaviors ngl): angling your body towards the person you're flirting with, leaning in, paying obvious attention to them (eyes locked on theirs or on their mouth or hands), glancing touches to the hands or waist or back. Women will often pitch their voice up when flirting, like a more relaxed version of the customer service voice. There's a stereotype of women playing with their hair, and I rarely see that, but I do see gestures that draw attention to the face and lips a lot, often subconsciously.
• other flirting things: asking the person leading questions about themselves, giving them compliments, laughing or smiling, often asking questions that would lead to the other person telling them if they have a significant other (e.g. "is it hard living alone in x city?" "well I live with my girlfriend" would be a potential answer that would answer the single or not question)

that's just a very quick rundown! different approaches are appropriate for different situations but the above is pretty general.

 

Whoops, saw this a few days late, hope it's okay if I still contribute...

Forms the bullying might take:
- An individual making eyecontact at her, then walking in an exaggerated and inelegant way, or making gross ableist "special needs kids" impersonations, to say (without using a single word) "you're a 'tard".
- Defacing her locker.
- Praising her appearance when it's particularly sloppy.
- Regularly snickering when she talks in class, especially when what she said wasn't meant to be humorous.
- Other girls having conversations right in front of her as if she doesn't exist.
- Other girls right in front of her describing things she does (without naming her specifically) as disgusting -- for me, it was other girls standing around talking about how it's gross and unhygenic for girls to have hairy legs.
- Some phrase or word she uses being used repeated at her mockingly, and used to interrupt her if she's talking about something unrelated. (Eg, at one point I tried to deal with my 5th grade harassers by saying "sarcasm will get you nowhere", but got interrupted one time. Cue everyone saying "sark" at me for the next few weeks.)
- Making up "X likes you" rumors (I think the idea is to get her hopes up and then dash them? IDK, they did it to me a lot and I never understood why)
- If they can get away with it due to adult indifference, large groups crowding around her shouting and jeering.

 

Super belated because I forgot about this thread apparently, hope still relevant

This so much. It's so fucking boring.

For me, a lot of it is that it affects my brain. Lots of brainfog, very difficult to have a sustained line of thought about something, very difficult to concentrate. Plus, it makes already-difficult emotional regulation so much harder.

Overall, I tend to forget that it's a thing unless I'm having a flare (which tends, for me, to be one of my joints suddenly deciding that it won't bear weight without screaming at me), but that doesn't mean I don't notice it - like @jacktrash, a lot of it is back pain, and the rest is Basically All My Joints, so I can't really do anything without poking it - more, I forget that things hurting is not the norm. This tends to result in me not knowing why I don't get things done - like, I get bemused about why I have this massive mental block about collecting rubbish, taking it downstairs and outside and walking to where the rubbish bins are, putting it there, walking back and getting upstairs. And then later on I realise, oh, I have this massive mental block and don't get it done because it fucking hurts and my brain flags that as Bad, Do Not Do.

Another big thing for me is that it makes me really impatient. I try to contain it, because that's rude, but if I'm waiting in line for something, or waiting for someone to do something, or anything where I have to just wait (especially when it's standing) and not do anything, that means I'm just stuck there with me + chronic pain + nothing to do, and it makes me very cranky. (This has given me a stronger case of resting bitchface than I used to have, because if I'm outside or interacting with people I'm probably in lots more pain than in a resting state.)

this, very much, is a thing that happens. An extension of this is refusing to touch the person in question, and yelling about cooties or diseases if they brush against your chair or table or whatever.

this is also a thing that happens and it is so annoying.

Things that might be customs that are violated: being too good at schoolwork, not socialising with other people enough, pinging as 'weird', doing things by yourself when people expect you to do them with others. If you're old enough, not wanting to talk about boyfriends/sex - especially if you're uncomfortable with it. Not being good at small talk about whatever the popular interests of the day were. Not wearing the 'right' clothes (if you don't have a uniform) or wearing the uniform in the 'right' way. Asking 'weird' questions in class, especially if you're really interested in the subject matter. Getting on well with teachers.

 

Things I can talk about!

• AFAB, NB/Trans. Considered myself generally cis until like 2011-2012?
• CSA survivor, I can talk a bit about the whole process of it being prosecuted and other stuff although it's way triggery for a lot of people.
• I grew up in Rural Iowa/Missouri, know a bit about farm life. Know a bit about the town of Hannibal Missouri, which is the hometown of Mark Twain. (I grew up there pretty much.)
• DOGS I KNOW A LOT ABOUT DOGS AND DOG GENETICS. I have a special interest in Dogs.
• Zombies! I know a fuckton about zombie lore and the origins of the modern zombie genre.
• Art supplies and art things. I know a lot about traditional media art! I didn't get into digital art until 2012, and had an interest in learning about all the supplies I used. (although I'm a bit lacking in the knowledge about paper. I'll have to do some research.)
• OH! I also know a bit about furry art and character design
• ALSO BEYOND DOG STUFF IN GENERAL I CAN PRETTY ACCURATELY TELL IF A DOG IS A WOLF HYBRID FROM PHOTOGRAPHS and also know a lot about dog phenotyping in general

 

I see you already got an answer—sorry, I was having dinner and such!!

So basically—less creepy flirting leads more away from "BANG ME BBY" and more towards "oh my gosh you're gorgeous". Basically, compliments! Compliments are always good, but you want to keep away from "creep" territory—so like, don't go on about boobs, don't go on about dicks, dodge really stereotype shit that usually gets people going SIIIIIGH
Clever flirts are good—lines that feed into one another, and are subtle flirtations are considered clever, I've noticed! Also, complimenting someone on things besides appearance is good?
...will add more when more awake
it's easier for me to demonstrate than explain @_@

 

I'm terrible at flirting on purpose, but apparently project flirting a fair amount during normal conversation. Here are some things people have pointed out that I do and should remember to do on purpose when flirting is actually the intent (these may be specific to male-presenting ppl flirting with women):

Making eye contact, then glancing away, then back a second time, then away again; third time hold it. It projects less aggression than sustaining long eye contact from the start.

For compliments, chose to complement something she would have made a decision about (outfit, jewelry, hairstyle, etc) rather than something she would have little control over (like breasts, legs, or other physical attributes).

Steering conversation toward her, inviting her to talk about herself and even moreso her interests (it's a common mistake to talk about yourself and try to seem interesting or impressive; you want her to feel that you find her interesting).

 

hello i am requesting assistance with my hogwarts oc, because i was planning timeline and then i realized that most of what i solidly know about her culture/family is from wikipedia.
so!
she's the daughter of iranian immigrants (who left iran for the UK in 1979/1980), herself born 1995

so: help requesting re: UK immigration/brainstorming about how you'd imagine Wizarding UK reacts to pureblood p. well off iranian immigrants
the trials of being the child of immigrants/the trials of being the child of immigrants in Wizarding UK

.......mostly i don't want to trap myself in cliche and stereotypes