WTF Brain Autocorrect? - the majestic sea pancake and other substitutions

I was in a meeting with our CEO and I said "I have a... thingy. Brain thingy. Thing you say when you want something to happen. Suggestion."
I'm still not over it.

 

I forgot the word for a kettle, but I knew that my boyfriend was trying to make tea and the thing that makes the water go had finished making the water go. So I said, instead, "your tea-boiling device is ready." And I mean, I'm not wrong.

 

Spoiler: nsfw

I just forgot the word for sex...and my meme-loving fuck of a brain decided to say "cummies" instead.

Thankfully it was in a chat with a bunch of other filthy memelords, but wow.

So yeah, I said "i will admit that the inevitable cummies are part of it" regarding something I ship and why I ship it.

 

You're really not!

 

I forgot the word for freezer, so the sentence "Just put it in the cold oven." was born.

 

"What kind of leaf soup would you like?"

Tea. I was talking about tea.

 

My RA just called a sprinkler a "fire nipple"

 

I just described a spoon as "this thing... this food-scooping device".

 

I called the sun the "bright glowy heat thing" the other day.

 

My mum always calls those coin things you get to put in trolleys 'doofers'. She also routinely calls the horse by the dog's name and call the dog by the old dog's name.

 

I mean I call the coin thingies thingies soo....

 

Mum once called me by first the dog's name, then the bird's name, then my name.
that was funny, she just kind of...put her head her hands and defeatedly said what she'd been trying to say with the right name after accidentally calling me by the bird's name.

 

Today at work I told @inchwyrm I was just going to 'go fetch a up-top-steppy' so I could reach the boxes on the top shelf.

I'd lost the word 'kick-stool'.

 

A german one: My mom forgot the word for chopping, so she wound up asking "Kannst du des mall in kleine mitz mitz mitz machen?" (Can you make that into little itz mitz mitz)
mitzen (to mitz/chop)
Mitze/mitz mitz mitze (The little peices you get when you chop things) turned into words from that.

 

My gf just referred to my neck as a shoulder tube and I don't think I'll ever get over it

 

I had to read a thing twice before I realized it said "expressive arts" and not "expensive arts".

 

I want you all to know that I was trying to tell my dad something funny about this thread, but I couldn't remember the word stingray to save my life. So I ended up having to legit use "sea pancake" for lack of a better way to get the basic idea across.

Also I binged Young Justice in like the three days before it went off Netflix and I swear I could never remember Black Manta's name reliably. I'm impervious the nomenclature of the ray. It's just a problem I have apparently.

 

I read a news bulletin as "Australian authorities seize 3 tons of smuggled dogs". It took me 3 tries to realize that it said "smuggled drugs", and given Australia's animal laws, the only reason I read it repeatedly was because of the "3 tons" part.

 

I forgot Tolkein's name and came out with Ganondorf.