Z’s Self Improvement Tracking Thread

Discussion in 'Braaaaiiiinnnns...' started by tickingnectarine, Aug 17, 2019.

  1. I have reached a point in my life where I have to begin to quickly, dramatically change for the better. I am 26. I have been struggling with depression, jealousy, suicidal ideation, self loathing, and slowly decreasing physical health since I was thirteen. That’s half my life so far. I need to either change, or failing that, exile myself from society completely. So I am going to try to change.

    I don’t have the time or money to see a therapist. What I can do instead is research these issues online, implement ways to improve my various issues, and document my progress here. Starting effective immediately. Here we go.
  2. Today’s activity- make a list of Good Things About Myself, and Personal Achievements.

    This was... challenging. I didn’t reach ten items on the first list before my brain started bombarding me with how inadequate I am, and how If all people are inherently equal, why am I such a sack of garbage? So I quit at that point and moved on to the second list.

    The second list was also a struggle. Maybe I should put “made personal achievements list” on the list. ha ha. I actually did make it to ten, but even with that, some of the accomplishments are very mundane things like “did my own taxes” or “learned to drive.” I hope in the future I either do a lot more things,
  3. Okay if I can’t even make a forum post without fucking up this is going to be even harder than I already thought.
  4. Didn’t really do anything today, just went to work and to the fair with my brother and his gf.
  5. Today I didn’t kill myself.
    • Winner x 1
  6. Had yesterday off. Mostly focused on relaxing instead of anything else. Got my hair cut, shaved, vacuumed my car.
    • Like x 1
  7. Today's activity- read part of a self-help mini-guide. Wasn't very good, just a 22 page PDF with no sources or citations on "is there evidence that this actually works"? Gonna try to read more articles.
  8. Today's activity- read some of those articles.
    • Like x 1
  9. Today’s activity- spiral downward.
  10. Today’s activity- watched few videos on how to “fake it til you make it.”
  11. Today’s activity- start bullet journaling again. Already have it set up and ready to go.
  12. Today’s activity- read five articles about improving self confidence.
  13. Today's activity- after a long day at work, I watched a movie and exercised for 20 minutes. Taking it easy.
    • Like x 1
  14. I left my bullet journal at work.
  15. Anyway. Also helped with some projects this weekend. My dad, my brother and I replaced the deck, replaced the stairs connected to it, and took a truckload of stuff to the dump. So there’s that.
  16. Wow I really kinda forgot to update this.

    This week sucked. I hated it. I nearly had a mental breakdown at work yesterday. Today I had my first day off in six days, and I just feel apathetic, the only thing I really enjoyed was dinner out with my dad and my sister. I also got some boots at a thrift store, that was nice I guess.

    I’ve read several more articles about self confidence but putting it into practice hasn’t worked so far. I’m not sure what to do next.
    • Witnessed x 2
  17. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    i think confidence isn't so much being sure you'll succeed, as being sure it's ok if you fail.

    my recommendation for watching, instead of self help vids, is funny but educational stuff where the host(s) screw up but keep trying. my faves are 'try guys' and the bon appetit test kitchen vids, especially 'gourmet makes'.
  18. I’m a fucking failure.
  19. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    failing is useful! it provides important data you can use to get a little better each time you try.
  20. Honestly go fuck yourself.
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